DIY History | Transcribe | Iowa Women’s Lives: Letters and Diaries | Eve Drewelowe's journals, volumes II-III, 1950s

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Eve Drewelowe's journals, volumes II-III, 1950s

Page 171

In these pages have been chronicled the struggle of an organism. The fight for the right not only to exist but also to survive and perform as it was meant to. These pages furthermore relate how the contraction between the spirit and the way of life grew. How the strife which sprang but of non-accord were forced into being both through heridety and training and by way of environment. How events in the course of finding itself helped to mold the conflicts of the individual. How these became more and more sharply drawn. Why the need of artistic expression became an even greater urgency as the other demands of daily living became more compelling and less to be ignored. How under adverse conditions to creative enterprise the stomach revolted and became less controllable, with greater and still more intolerance of the situation that was making it so. How the digestive tract rebelled against the inconsideration of having the organism pushed into a certain groove of activity and expecting it to be so content. How then the consultations of the organism could endure the pace no longer. And, above all, with so little attention, how the artistic soul became more and more clamorous and demanding of consideration and a more greatly favored setting in the general scheme of things. 
The paragraphs moreover have piled up to show how hither to in the busy life that was mine, I had always made the necessary adjustments to placid being. That it was this contrary conditioning which was working on irreparable damage. I had molded myself to meet the requirements; I had met the demands of environment - the life in a maelstrom community that permitted one no rest and a social octopus that drained more time and energy than it could ever be rightfully entitled to. So that painting hours were at a premium and time when I was not numb with fatigue became even more rare indeed.

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In these pages have been chronicled the struggle of an organism. The fight for the right not only to exist but also to survive and perform as it was meant to. These pages furthermore relate how the contraction between the spirit and the way of life grew. How the strife which sprang but of non-accord were forced into being both through heridety and training and by way of environment. How events in the course of finding itself helped to mold the conflicts of the individual. How these became more and more sharply drawn. Why the need of artistic expression became an even greater urgency as the other demands of daily living became more compelling and less to be ignored. How under adverse conditions to creative enterprise the stomach revolted and became less controllable, with greater and still more intolerance of the situation that was making it so. How the digestive tract rebelled against the inconsideration of having the organism pushed into a certain groove of activity and expecting it to be so content. How then the consultations of the organism could endure the pace no longer. And, above all, with so little attention, how the artistic soul became more and more clamorous and demanding of consideration and a more greatly favored setting in the general scheme of things. The paragraphs moreover have piled up to show how hither to in the busy life that was mine, I had always made the necessary adjustments to placid being. That it was this contrary conditioning which was working on irreparable damage. I had molded myself to meet the requirements; I had met the demands of environment - the life in a maelstrom community that permitted one no rest and a social octopus that drained more time and energy than it could ever be rightfully entitled to. So that painting hours were at a premium and time when I was not numb with fatigue became even more rare indeed.