DIY History | Transcribe | Iowa Women’s Lives: Letters and Diaries | Eve Drewelowe's journals, volumes II-III, 1950s

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Eve Drewelowe's journals, volumes II-III, 1950s

Page 205

I seem to be climbing out of the depression bit by bit and eventually - given time - may even begin to fly. Flying indeed, but frightfully low at first and barely raised above the ground, with wings dragging and bemuddled, but nevertheless flying. Then I may soar higher and higher still s my stomach responds to better management. More and more altitude may be gained until I ultimately emerge above the clouds in a feverish ferment of creative outburst with its resultant activity of brain and fingers that cannot be stayed.
Thsi having always to do something gets to be a disease. I am not too sure that painting is not a disease. If this is true then I was born this and I have needed no exposure to stake it, and an incubation period to come down with it. At first during my illness my doctors encouraged me exercising my painting. After a year and a half advisability was questioned and I was warned not to take it on too heavily and strenuously. The ban later was somewhat lifted- fortunately. I may as well be strangled entirely, if my painting - my means of expression and reason for being - is eliminated from my life. I can't do without it. Nor will I get well. Moreover why should my body have physical well being and my soul be with longing and incompletions.

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I seem to be climbing out of the depression bit by bit and eventually - given time - may even begin to fly. Flying indeed, but frightfully low at first and barely raised above the ground, with wings dragging and bemuddled, but nevertheless flying. Then I may soar higher and higher still s my stomach responds to better management. More and more altitude may be gained until I ultimately emerge above the clouds in a feverish ferment of creative outburst with its resultant activity of brain and fingers that cannot be stayed. Thsi having always to do something gets to be a disease. I am not too sure that painting is not a disease. If this is true then I was born this and I have needed no exposure to stake it, and an incubation period to come down with it. At first during my illness my doctors encouraged me exercising my painting. After a year and a half advisability was questioned and I was warned not to take it on too heavily and strenuously. The ban later was somewhat lifted- fortunately. I may as well be strangled entirely, if my painting - my means of expression and reason for being - is eliminated from my life. I can't do without it. Nor will I get well. Moreover why should my body have physical well being and my soul be with longing and incompletions.