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Variant, v. 1, issue 2, whole no. 2, May 1947
Page 7
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May 1947 VARIANT Page 7 use his document - but incorrectly as a road map, never getting any farther than Swift's Boneyards at Chicago where his money for inebriants ran out, since he had spent his last dime on a can of lighter fluid to be used as fuel for his Austin. What he did there, I can guess. Also the translatin of the Skull-Written poetry quoted by Dooling as refering to the Duo-finned Narcissiclinch and written by some sub-sub-sub-man, perhaps a descendant of the Duo-finned Narcissiclinch, was positively not the style used by the Skull-Writers. [4] Instead of the spondaic trimeter in the form of two Terza Rima stanzas with a dactyllic monometric refrain following each triplet as recited by Benson Dooling, it was a pyrric monometer with reoccuring rhyme in the form of a Byronic or Don Juan Stanza of 8 verses. (Rhyme scheme: abba abba.) Further more, the Duo-finned Narcissiclinch did not lay three eggs and immediately eat them without salt or pepper. The creature was viviparous, not oviparous, and after giving birth to three-and-a-half little ones (one creature was always a dithoraco-dicephalic monothallus with two heads and two torsos fused at the waist into one lower body, due to incomplete fission of the blastophere during the metathetic stage), [5] he dipped them in a native sherry, Hicurpuu (customarily used in fertility rites), formed from the fermentation of Eohippus milk by Clostridium petri Williamsii (an anaerobic micro-organism long extinct) and sauted [i.e. sauteed] them in the noonday sun for two and a half hours, afterwards eating them with appetite, one at each of the three meals of the day. [6] The Parisian address mentioned by Dooling in his lecture is not closed as he states. I can attest to that with corroboration from certain members of the club, veterans who fought the Battle of Pigale, I was there at that address doing research for my forthcoming book Reasons for High Incidence of Bachelors in Paris - a volume of great social significance - and I can say there was plenty of action going on in there at the time. I think by now you may have come around to my original conclusion that the whole mentioned affair was a fraud! I would appreciate all club members present at that sham and those informed upon the reading of this article, to send in a demand for the immediate and permanent expulsion of Benson Dooling from the sacred confines at 56th and Pine. I won't rest till this is accomplished. A. E. von Hunger, B.S.A., WGTU, Ph.D. (Unfortunately, Dr. von Hunger - one of our newest members - was found slain the day after writing this article. His cranium was crushed by a blunt instrument. The purported dorsal molar of the Duo-finned Narcissiclinch was found nearby - bloodstained. I took the liberty of having Doctor's article published posthumously in the Variant so that Justice may be done.) Bud Waldo The second treatise, by the well-known Alexander M. Phillips is in a somewhat milder vein. [centered] A MISTAKE! At a recent assembly of the Philadelphia Science Fiction Society - the congress of the 39th of March, of this year, as a matter of face - a paper was read which elicited considerable comment. I might go so far as to describe this comment as vociferous, were it not that vociferation, [line break for the footnotes] ------------------------------------- 3. Do not the bull throw. Trans. by Leary's Interlinear. The other one I forgot, and don't give a damn about anyway. 4. See Oscar Wilde's Scansion of Scandalous Skull Scriptures or So, Round, So Firm, So Fully Cracked, in two 12mos. Also, Skelton's Timurlane and his Pyramidal Library or How to get A-head in this World. 5. See Havelock Steckel and Ivan Montegazza's Cause of Monstrosities: Dropping of the Abdomen or The Way of All Flesh. 1 folio. 6. See Primatal Prostitution and Anthropoidal Alcoholism in two quartos by Renault, and Down in Tuffy's Cavern by Bawdylair. 6. See also. Greps' Courmet's Gazeteer; Antediluvian Appetizers or Arzhaie Aperties (printed on cloth covered boards with fancy plates.)
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May 1947 VARIANT Page 7 use his document - but incorrectly as a road map, never getting any farther than Swift's Boneyards at Chicago where his money for inebriants ran out, since he had spent his last dime on a can of lighter fluid to be used as fuel for his Austin. What he did there, I can guess. Also the translatin of the Skull-Written poetry quoted by Dooling as refering to the Duo-finned Narcissiclinch and written by some sub-sub-sub-man, perhaps a descendant of the Duo-finned Narcissiclinch, was positively not the style used by the Skull-Writers. [4] Instead of the spondaic trimeter in the form of two Terza Rima stanzas with a dactyllic monometric refrain following each triplet as recited by Benson Dooling, it was a pyrric monometer with reoccuring rhyme in the form of a Byronic or Don Juan Stanza of 8 verses. (Rhyme scheme: abba abba.) Further more, the Duo-finned Narcissiclinch did not lay three eggs and immediately eat them without salt or pepper. The creature was viviparous, not oviparous, and after giving birth to three-and-a-half little ones (one creature was always a dithoraco-dicephalic monothallus with two heads and two torsos fused at the waist into one lower body, due to incomplete fission of the blastophere during the metathetic stage), [5] he dipped them in a native sherry, Hicurpuu (customarily used in fertility rites), formed from the fermentation of Eohippus milk by Clostridium petri Williamsii (an anaerobic micro-organism long extinct) and sauted [i.e. sauteed] them in the noonday sun for two and a half hours, afterwards eating them with appetite, one at each of the three meals of the day. [6] The Parisian address mentioned by Dooling in his lecture is not closed as he states. I can attest to that with corroboration from certain members of the club, veterans who fought the Battle of Pigale, I was there at that address doing research for my forthcoming book Reasons for High Incidence of Bachelors in Paris - a volume of great social significance - and I can say there was plenty of action going on in there at the time. I think by now you may have come around to my original conclusion that the whole mentioned affair was a fraud! I would appreciate all club members present at that sham and those informed upon the reading of this article, to send in a demand for the immediate and permanent expulsion of Benson Dooling from the sacred confines at 56th and Pine. I won't rest till this is accomplished. A. E. von Hunger, B.S.A., WGTU, Ph.D. (Unfortunately, Dr. von Hunger - one of our newest members - was found slain the day after writing this article. His cranium was crushed by a blunt instrument. The purported dorsal molar of the Duo-finned Narcissiclinch was found nearby - bloodstained. I took the liberty of having Doctor's article published posthumously in the Variant so that Justice may be done.) Bud Waldo The second treatise, by the well-known Alexander M. Phillips is in a somewhat milder vein. [centered] A MISTAKE! At a recent assembly of the Philadelphia Science Fiction Society - the congress of the 39th of March, of this year, as a matter of face - a paper was read which elicited considerable comment. I might go so far as to describe this comment as vociferous, were it not that vociferation, [line break for the footnotes] ------------------------------------- 3. Do not the bull throw. Trans. by Leary's Interlinear. The other one I forgot, and don't give a damn about anyway. 4. See Oscar Wilde's Scansion of Scandalous Skull Scriptures or So, Round, So Firm, So Fully Cracked, in two 12mos. Also, Skelton's Timurlane and his Pyramidal Library or How to get A-head in this World. 5. See Havelock Steckel and Ivan Montegazza's Cause of Monstrosities: Dropping of the Abdomen or The Way of All Flesh. 1 folio. 6. See Primatal Prostitution and Anthropoidal Alcoholism in two quartos by Renault, and Down in Tuffy's Cavern by Bawdylair. 6. See also. Greps' Courmet's Gazeteer; Antediluvian Appetizers or Arzhaie Aperties (printed on cloth covered boards with fancy plates.)
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