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D'Journal, v. 1, issue 1, January 1939

Page 5

"WEAK'S INVENTIONS WITHOUT A KICK"
 #1-The Rocket Ship
   James V. Taurasi

  The telephone rang like all get-out but I ignored it. That is, for the first ten minutes. Then I couldnt take it any more. I'de taken 3 aspirins and the phone was still giving me a headache, so I answered it. "Hello", I chirped, "lets have it."
   "You've got some nerve!" the receicer snapped at me. "Here I have been tryinng to get you for the last half hour and you refuse to answer. Whattsa idea? Blowing Saturn rings or something?"
   "Oh, its you Weak", I answered. "Well, what this time? And it was only ten minutes, not 30.
   "Poo. Whats 20 minutes! I want you to come over right away and try out my rocket ship. I'll expect you in ten minutes!" The phone clicked. Thats Weak for you. No consideration for anyone. He demands to see you and expects you to obey immediatly. Bah! I had a mind not to go; but what was that he said about a rocket ship? Had that fool inventor actually built one? He had finished many queer inventions, and I have been the goat tp most of them, but this interested me. I thought I darn well knew it would be a fake, but the chance was just to great to take. So I ran the family jallopy over to his place.
   I didnt make it in ten minutes; it took a good half hour. With two blowouts and a rear end that threatened to give away, its lucky that 1917 Ford got me there at all.
   "Well, croaked Weak, when he opened the door. "I told you ten minutes. Its been a good half-hour. Thats what I get for letting you in on my invention! Bah!"
   "Bah! yourself. As you so recently stated: Poo, whats 20 minutes! Lets see this rocket ship you 'said' you had invented".
   "Sure, sure," his face beamed red with pride. "Its my 3459045678th invention, and the best! It works on the revolutionary principal of 1 gram of phragt and 10 measures of hykju to ----"
   "Never mind the delicate details. Just show me this star scrapper."
   "Ah," he beamed, "Ah, (that makes two of them) what a name! Starscrapper. Not bad. Not bad at all. Wait till I put that down in my notebook. I musnt forget that; yes--yes----Star-scrapper."
   "Nuts professor. Now listen Short, just show me this contraption. Do you think I journeyed all the way out here to be entertained by your after0dinner jokes?"
   Alright, alright, dont get excited. I show it to you. I just liked the name and wanted to remember it."
   He led me back to a ramshackle shack in the rear. Here was where he 'invented'. All 3459046578 of them. He opened the door and bid me to enter. I strolled nonchalantly in. And smacked my nose squarely into an object!
   "Why in blazes didnt you tell me that thing filled the door?" I felt hurt in not only my nose. My nose was a mess; mbut I usually put my nose in a mess, not made a mess out of my nose.
   "Did you think I could keep a rocket ship in my pocket?" he retorted.
   "Aw, whats the use!", I growled. "Lets see this ship."
   He presseda button and something flew past my messy nose into the yard, where it stopped. It was the most terrible looking contraption I had ever seen. It looked like an oversize barrel sprouting black wings, and mounted on wheels. It had a small door in the side of the barrel-body that looked large enough for a canary to squeeze thru. At the rear of the keg was a single gas pipe which I took to be a rocket-tube.
                  (Continued---)

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"WEAK'S INVENTIONS WITHOUT A KICK" #1-The Rocket Ship James V. Taurasi The telephone rang like all get-out but I ignored it. That is, for the first ten minutes. Then I couldnt take it any more. I'de taken 3 aspirins and the phone was still giving me a headache, so I answered it. "Hello", I chirped, "lets have it." "You've got some nerve!" the receicer snapped at me. "Here I have been tryinng to get you for the last half hour and you refuse to answer. Whattsa idea? Blowing Saturn rings or something?" "Oh, its you Weak", I answered. "Well, what this time? And it was only ten minutes, not 30. "Poo. Whats 20 minutes! I want you to come over right away and try out my rocket ship. I'll expect you in ten minutes!" The phone clicked. Thats Weak for you. No consideration for anyone. He demands to see you and expects you to obey immediatly. Bah! I had a mind not to go; but what was that he said about a rocket ship? Had that fool inventor actually built one? He had finished many queer inventions, and I have been the goat tp most of them, but this interested me. I thought I darn well knew it would be a fake, but the chance was just to great to take. So I ran the family jallopy over to his place. I didnt make it in ten minutes; it took a good half hour. With two blowouts and a rear end that threatened to give away, its lucky that 1917 Ford got me there at all. "Well, croaked Weak, when he opened the door. "I told you ten minutes. Its been a good half-hour. Thats what I get for letting you in on my invention! Bah!" "Bah! yourself. As you so recently stated: Poo, whats 20 minutes! Lets see this rocket ship you 'said' you had invented". "Sure, sure," his face beamed red with pride. "Its my 3459045678th invention, and the best! It works on the revolutionary principal of 1 gram of phragt and 10 measures of hykju to ----" "Never mind the delicate details. Just show me this star scrapper." "Ah," he beamed, "Ah, (that makes two of them) what a name! Starscrapper. Not bad. Not bad at all. Wait till I put that down in my notebook. I musnt forget that; yes--yes----Star-scrapper." "Nuts professor. Now listen Short, just show me this contraption. Do you think I journeyed all the way out here to be entertained by your after0dinner jokes?" Alright, alright, dont get excited. I show it to you. I just liked the name and wanted to remember it." He led me back to a ramshackle shack in the rear. Here was where he 'invented'. All 3459046578 of them. He opened the door and bid me to enter. I strolled nonchalantly in. And smacked my nose squarely into an object! "Why in blazes didnt you tell me that thing filled the door?" I felt hurt in not only my nose. My nose was a mess; mbut I usually put my nose in a mess, not made a mess out of my nose. "Did you think I could keep a rocket ship in my pocket?" he retorted. "Aw, whats the use!", I growled. "Lets see this ship." He presseda button and something flew past my messy nose into the yard, where it stopped. It was the most terrible looking contraption I had ever seen. It looked like an oversize barrel sprouting black wings, and mounted on wheels. It had a small door in the side of the barrel-body that looked large enough for a canary to squeeze thru. At the rear of the keg was a single gas pipe which I took to be a rocket-tube. (Continued---)