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D'Journal, v. 1, issue 1, January 1939
Page 7
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"OUR O.P.U. FOM"-conducted by Jack Spear (Who writes as he pleases) in an effort to get the the underlying beliefs of mankind, the OPU went this month to central Africa, whre it inquired amongst the Ubangi's for their opinions on the following earth-shaking problems: 1: What do you think of the chances of a rocket to Mars?; 2. What is your exact definition of an American science fiction fan?; 3: What is your favorite literary diet?; and 4: Do you believe in Fooghaism?. At the first question, the proletariat interviewed yawned (showing nicely filled teeth) and replied that he believed the greatest possibilities lay in the step rocket, saying that if the Manchester boys would join the general BIS, they'd be strong enough numerically to compel Pariliment to repeal the laws against liquid explosives and speculated that with that obstacle removed, the British would be able to do far more than the ARS ever did; and that if they got the cost of a one-way trip down to 20.000 pounds, he'd sell a coupla wives and go. The bourgeois interviewed said they didnt need any vacuum cleaners and slammed the grass curtain. When the Ubangi economic royalist interviewed heard how the proletarian voted, he put his anklets on the cell rocket's chances asked us in for dinner. We delicately declined. ***A general post card survey in the village showed that those living in the north-west corner were most strongly in favor of staying on terra firma, remarking that "there are things we arent meant to meddle with". The repliers living in the southern end of the village were very optimistic. One said, "Goody, I just love skyrockets!". OPU went home with a headache and used ten pads of government paper trying to chart the results, but next day returned to ask them to define an American sci-fic fan. When we met, he asked, "Are you a science fiction fan?", and upon being answered in the affirmative, lapsed into an insulting silence. The witch doctor offered this definition: "A science fiction fan is a compound of certain chemicals that walks around on two legs and emanates disturbing influences". Feeling highly complimented, we went to the chief's chef and asked his definition. He thumbed thru his notebook and answered: "Flesh is firm, but with a high salt content. Should be boiled at least two hours before serving...." OPU exited hastily. Opinion was most heatedly divided on the question of favorite literary diet. There were several camps of opinion, and almost no in-betweens. Perhaps the largest group favored the Bible because it brought forth such delicious missionaries; some, however, apparently misinterpreted the word 'diet', and this school of opinion must be largely discounted. The question will be rephased and reput at some later date. Behind another group of opinion there seemed to be some political conniving, sub-chieves Polo, Lowndelady and Gucktuck having compromised their beliefs in "anything spicy". When you add in such "no-compromise" independants as Hango, Togwila and Dawgo, this view held a plurality. (I know this is silly, but the editor paid for it, now he has to print it.) Other minor preferences ncluded tales of Time and other dimensions, Will Power and Bob and Kosow. One dreamy eyed individual speculated that any magazine bound with chewing gum would make a nice diet. Here are typical replies to "Do you believe in Fooghaism?": "No, I'm a Rationalist"; "Anything Don does is OK with me"; "What am I offered?"; "I prefer Foodooism"; "Do you have a badge?"; "I never join anything without knowing what it stands for. Can I have an officers title?"; "I say, give it back to the Indians!"; "I done been converted to ebryting else by ebry missionary cum along; guess ah might as well be dat too. What am it?" (END)
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"OUR O.P.U. FOM"-conducted by Jack Spear (Who writes as he pleases) in an effort to get the the underlying beliefs of mankind, the OPU went this month to central Africa, whre it inquired amongst the Ubangi's for their opinions on the following earth-shaking problems: 1: What do you think of the chances of a rocket to Mars?; 2. What is your exact definition of an American science fiction fan?; 3: What is your favorite literary diet?; and 4: Do you believe in Fooghaism?. At the first question, the proletariat interviewed yawned (showing nicely filled teeth) and replied that he believed the greatest possibilities lay in the step rocket, saying that if the Manchester boys would join the general BIS, they'd be strong enough numerically to compel Pariliment to repeal the laws against liquid explosives and speculated that with that obstacle removed, the British would be able to do far more than the ARS ever did; and that if they got the cost of a one-way trip down to 20.000 pounds, he'd sell a coupla wives and go. The bourgeois interviewed said they didnt need any vacuum cleaners and slammed the grass curtain. When the Ubangi economic royalist interviewed heard how the proletarian voted, he put his anklets on the cell rocket's chances asked us in for dinner. We delicately declined. ***A general post card survey in the village showed that those living in the north-west corner were most strongly in favor of staying on terra firma, remarking that "there are things we arent meant to meddle with". The repliers living in the southern end of the village were very optimistic. One said, "Goody, I just love skyrockets!". OPU went home with a headache and used ten pads of government paper trying to chart the results, but next day returned to ask them to define an American sci-fic fan. When we met, he asked, "Are you a science fiction fan?", and upon being answered in the affirmative, lapsed into an insulting silence. The witch doctor offered this definition: "A science fiction fan is a compound of certain chemicals that walks around on two legs and emanates disturbing influences". Feeling highly complimented, we went to the chief's chef and asked his definition. He thumbed thru his notebook and answered: "Flesh is firm, but with a high salt content. Should be boiled at least two hours before serving...." OPU exited hastily. Opinion was most heatedly divided on the question of favorite literary diet. There were several camps of opinion, and almost no in-betweens. Perhaps the largest group favored the Bible because it brought forth such delicious missionaries; some, however, apparently misinterpreted the word 'diet', and this school of opinion must be largely discounted. The question will be rephased and reput at some later date. Behind another group of opinion there seemed to be some political conniving, sub-chieves Polo, Lowndelady and Gucktuck having compromised their beliefs in "anything spicy". When you add in such "no-compromise" independants as Hango, Togwila and Dawgo, this view held a plurality. (I know this is silly, but the editor paid for it, now he has to print it.) Other minor preferences ncluded tales of Time and other dimensions, Will Power and Bob and Kosow. One dreamy eyed individual speculated that any magazine bound with chewing gum would make a nice diet. Here are typical replies to "Do you believe in Fooghaism?": "No, I'm a Rationalist"; "Anything Don does is OK with me"; "What am I offered?"; "I prefer Foodooism"; "Do you have a badge?"; "I never join anything without knowing what it stands for. Can I have an officers title?"; "I say, give it back to the Indians!"; "I done been converted to ebryting else by ebry missionary cum along; guess ah might as well be dat too. What am it?" (END)
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