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D'Journal, v. 1, issue 1, January 1939

Page 13

"Report of the 196th Convention of the S.F.L." by Hoy Ping Pong, Member No. 1234567890

Reprinted from Wonder Stories for 1934

The 196th Annual Convention of the Science Foction League was held the week of Juno 45 to 51,2132; or 1997, SFL., at Ackermanville, Cal. A goodle crowd was there, nearly tripling the original population, but all delgates were comfortable soused, I mean housed with the exception of 3 Hindoos from Skindoo who had brough their pet elephants along. As May Ackerman doesnt allow elephants in houses, the boys from Kindoo were forced to sleep in the park with their pets. The first day was spent in seeing the model city of Ackermanville. It boasted ever of a large printing house where "Stfiction Stories" and "Macabre Tales", F.J. Ackerman, Editor, were published. Free copies were given all delegates, but I think H.Q. later got the bill. 

The second day the Convention formally opened in Ackerman Hall. Promptly at nine oclock Pres. Ackerman banged his gavel on the table top. But unfortunately, a delegate from Peru had gone to sleep on the table and the gavel descended on his head. The victim didn't complain; so after he was carried out, the meeting progressed. 

First up was delegate Foozle from Australis. The gentleman from 'down under' complained that he had talked 345 people into joining his Chapter, but each of the 345 wanted to be Director. The delegate asked the President to refuse the 345 newcomers admittance because he himself wished to keep his Directorship. It was a delicate situation and strategy was needed. Everybody waited with baited breath for the Presidents decision. To pacify the whole mob, the President formed 345 new Chapters and made each new member a Director of each. Applause was rendered. 

Next, two travelers from Mars took the floor and gave a very vivid account of the deplorable conditions on Mars. They said the Martians were actually starving! A motion was made to take up a collection for the Martians, and such was done. Later the Treasurer announced the sum o the collection: 3 dimes, a bad penny and 2456 shirt buttons. Applause was again rendered. At this point the Special Investigation Committee interrupted to inform the house that last year, after a collection for starving Martians was taken up, the Treasurer had spent the entire sum on choclit sodas. The President ordered the Committee down however, for he had participated in the sodas. 

As it was hen lunch time, the entire house walked out and made for the "Ye Ackermanee Cafe" where a very excellent meal was served. Someone suggested saving the scraps for the starving Martians, and was tossed out. Proprietor Ackerman then presented the diners with their bills and he was tossed out. Once started, there was no stopping the revelry! The rest of the second day was lost in chaos. A coupla boy from from Egypt found a cache of rare wines in the Presidents cellar, and informed the town. Everybody got drunk including the two Skindoo elephants. 

The Ackerman Special Police, expecting just such and emergency, boarded themselves up in the City Hall an stayed there untill dark. Meanwhile the merrymakers had discovered the printing plant, and breaking in just as the latest issues were going to press, proceeded to change "Stfiction Stories" and "Macabre Tales" to suit their whims. Recent reports indicate that hose two magazines never enjoyed a bigger boom than that issue. In fact, they boomed right out of existence. 

However, to get back. The delegates went about the town shooting it up with their rocket guns and light pistols. It required the next 4 days for the Special Police to gather up the stragglers and deposit them in Ackerman Hall for the final days 's session.

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"Report of the 196th Convention of the S.F.L." by Hoy Ping Pong, Member No. 1234567890 Reprinted from Wonder Stories for 1934 The 196th Annual Convention of the Science Foction League was held the week of Juno 45 to 51,2132; or 1997, SFL., at Ackermanville, Cal. A goodle crowd was there, nearly tripling the original population, but all delgates were comfortable soused, I mean housed with the exception of 3 Hindoos from Skindoo who had brough their pet elephants along. As May Ackerman doesnt allow elephants in houses, the boys from Kindoo were forced to sleep in the park with their pets. The first day was spent in seeing the model city of Ackermanville. It boasted ever of a large printing house where "Stfiction Stories" and "Macabre Tales", F.J. Ackerman, Editor, were published. Free copies were given all delegates, but I think H.Q. later got the bill. The second day the Convention formally opened in Ackerman Hall. Promptly at nine oclock Pres. Ackerman banged his gavel on the table top. But unfortunately, a delegate from Peru had gone to sleep on the table and the gavel descended on his head. The victim didn't complain; so after he was carried out, the meeting progressed. First up was delegate Foozle from Australis. The gentleman from 'down under' complained that he had talked 345 people into joining his Chapter, but each of the 345 wanted to be Director. The delegate asked the President to refuse the 345 newcomers admittance because he himself wished to keep his Directorship. It was a delicate situation and strategy was needed. Everybody waited with baited breath for the Presidents decision. To pacify the whole mob, the President formed 345 new Chapters and made each new member a Director of each. Applause was rendered. Next, two travelers from Mars took the floor and gave a very vivid account of the deplorable conditions on Mars. They said the Martians were actually starving! A motion was made to take up a collection for the Martians, and such was done. Later the Treasurer announced the sum o the collection: 3 dimes, a bad penny and 2456 shirt buttons. Applause was again rendered. At this point the Special Investigation Committee interrupted to inform the house that last year, after a collection for starving Martians was taken up, the Treasurer had spent the entire sum on choclit sodas. The President ordered the Committee down however, for he had participated in the sodas. As it was hen lunch time, the entire house walked out and made for the "Ye Ackermanee Cafe" where a very excellent meal was served. Someone suggested saving the scraps for the starving Martians, and was tossed out. Proprietor Ackerman then presented the diners with their bills and he was tossed out. Once started, there was no stopping the revelry! The rest of the second day was lost in chaos. A coupla boy from from Egypt found a cache of rare wines in the Presidents cellar, and informed the town. Everybody got drunk including the two Skindoo elephants. The Ackerman Special Police, expecting just such and emergency, boarded themselves up in the City Hall an stayed there untill dark. Meanwhile the merrymakers had discovered the printing plant, and breaking in just as the latest issues were going to press, proceeded to change "Stfiction Stories" and "Macabre Tales" to suit their whims. Recent reports indicate that hose two magazines never enjoyed a bigger boom than that issue. In fact, they boomed right out of existence. However, to get back. The delegates went about the town shooting it up with their rocket guns and light pistols. It required the next 4 days for the Special Police to gather up the stragglers and deposit them in Ackerman Hall for the final days 's session.