Transcribe
Translate
Spaceways, v. 3, issue 4, May 1941
Page 10
More information
digital collection
archival collection guide
transcription tips
10 SPACEWAYS THE END OF PENNYWHISTLE approached, two technicians came in, one with a long pole marked off in feet, and the other with a ratchet handle. The first placed one end of his pole against Mortimer's posterior, while the second slowly slid the ratchet handle along it toward him. Almost at once the handle disintegrated. "See that?" said the second technician, "gets them at ten feet now. It was only four an hour ago!" The first dropped his pole, and they walked out again, deep in worried conversation. "They think it is some sort of radioactive emanation," said Mortimer to me. "It goes through five feet of lead, and it is steadily becoming stronger." And so it proved. In the next hour, while I waited with Mortimer, the radius of the rays grew from ten feet to twenty, and supplies of brooms and ratchet handles on the floor below were being hastily removed to safety. The technicians could do nothing. Plans to construct a pair of lead shorts, to cut off the emanations at their source, were given up when it was discovered that the thickness of metal needed to screen the rays was now ten feet and gradually increasing. Now keenly alarmed, the Research Head called in the almost fabulous president of Gloober's, Mr. Zifflebaum, who immediately saw the need for quick action. A consultation with the Governor was arranged, and plans were made to remove Pennywhistle to some secluded area, where the danger to the city's supply of brooms and ratchet handles might be temporarily removed, while more drastic measures might be debated. II In the days that followed, I heard through the grapevine that Mortimer's range had increased from 200 feet to 500, to a thousand, to half-a-mile. At his present rate of increase, it was calculated that he would have to be removed to Antarctica within five days, if the deadly rays were to be kept from the large cities of the nation. Already a minor panic had been caused by the dissolution of broom-straws in a small village near which he was being kept. Nothing of this, of course, was allowed to be disseminated through the channels of the press, but still rumors were leaking out, causing a vague unrest in various sectors. Some of the floorwalkers took the pessimistic view that even the desperate measure of removing Mortimer to the Antarctic wastes would only be staving off disaster by a few years, at the most. Alas, how right they were, and yet how wrong! It was at this point that the President of the United Americas, who had been in touch with the situation, by video, for several days, issued the proclamation which had since become known as the Indelicate Document. Foreseeing the disaster which would surely come if some new approach to the problem were not discovered, on August 2, 1989 he called upon the people of the nation, and, indeed, of the world, for aid. Unfortunately, the proclamation was couched in somewhat redundant terms, such as "this malignant posterior" and "the world-shaking threat of this uncontrollable gluteus maximus"; and by an unfortunate coincidence, the Thickerwhichet-on-the-Singlebottomians were the first to receive the Document. Even then, in spite of the thoughtless ways of the inhabitants of that city, all might have been well, if it had not been for the actions of a group of young madcaps, calling themselves the Society for the Prevention of Prevention. These, under their leader, a lad named Upperthrottle, immediately seized the proclamation and ridiculed it in every possible way. They formed parades and marched up and down the business district, carrying banners
Saving...
prev
next
10 SPACEWAYS THE END OF PENNYWHISTLE approached, two technicians came in, one with a long pole marked off in feet, and the other with a ratchet handle. The first placed one end of his pole against Mortimer's posterior, while the second slowly slid the ratchet handle along it toward him. Almost at once the handle disintegrated. "See that?" said the second technician, "gets them at ten feet now. It was only four an hour ago!" The first dropped his pole, and they walked out again, deep in worried conversation. "They think it is some sort of radioactive emanation," said Mortimer to me. "It goes through five feet of lead, and it is steadily becoming stronger." And so it proved. In the next hour, while I waited with Mortimer, the radius of the rays grew from ten feet to twenty, and supplies of brooms and ratchet handles on the floor below were being hastily removed to safety. The technicians could do nothing. Plans to construct a pair of lead shorts, to cut off the emanations at their source, were given up when it was discovered that the thickness of metal needed to screen the rays was now ten feet and gradually increasing. Now keenly alarmed, the Research Head called in the almost fabulous president of Gloober's, Mr. Zifflebaum, who immediately saw the need for quick action. A consultation with the Governor was arranged, and plans were made to remove Pennywhistle to some secluded area, where the danger to the city's supply of brooms and ratchet handles might be temporarily removed, while more drastic measures might be debated. II In the days that followed, I heard through the grapevine that Mortimer's range had increased from 200 feet to 500, to a thousand, to half-a-mile. At his present rate of increase, it was calculated that he would have to be removed to Antarctica within five days, if the deadly rays were to be kept from the large cities of the nation. Already a minor panic had been caused by the dissolution of broom-straws in a small village near which he was being kept. Nothing of this, of course, was allowed to be disseminated through the channels of the press, but still rumors were leaking out, causing a vague unrest in various sectors. Some of the floorwalkers took the pessimistic view that even the desperate measure of removing Mortimer to the Antarctic wastes would only be staving off disaster by a few years, at the most. Alas, how right they were, and yet how wrong! It was at this point that the President of the United Americas, who had been in touch with the situation, by video, for several days, issued the proclamation which had since become known as the Indelicate Document. Foreseeing the disaster which would surely come if some new approach to the problem were not discovered, on August 2, 1989 he called upon the people of the nation, and, indeed, of the world, for aid. Unfortunately, the proclamation was couched in somewhat redundant terms, such as "this malignant posterior" and "the world-shaking threat of this uncontrollable gluteus maximus"; and by an unfortunate coincidence, the Thickerwhichet-on-the-Singlebottomians were the first to receive the Document. Even then, in spite of the thoughtless ways of the inhabitants of that city, all might have been well, if it had not been for the actions of a group of young madcaps, calling themselves the Society for the Prevention of Prevention. These, under their leader, a lad named Upperthrottle, immediately seized the proclamation and ridiculed it in every possible way. They formed parades and marched up and down the business district, carrying banners
Hevelin Fanzines
sidebar
