DIY History | Transcribe | Hevelin Fanzines | Le Zombie, v. 4, issue 10, whole no. 45, January 1942

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Le Zombie, v. 4, issue 10, whole no. 45, January 1942

Page 11

11 A

Kernal Koenig did a mad war dance on the sands. "Officer of the Day !" I want Officer of the Day!"

Pvt. Speer emerged from the tent and slid up to him. "Sorry sir. Can I be of any help? I'm afraid the Officer of the Day has retired sir. His duties expired at sundown. What is it the Kernal wishes, sir?"

The Kernal wrung his hands. "Look, man. A few moments ago an explosion that sounded like all the banshees in hell let loose over there in the brush somewhere. I've been trying to find out what it was. Everyone around here seems to know nothing about it. Do you suppose you can find out what it was?"

"Yes sir. With pleasure sir." A salute, and Pvt. Speer slipped away.

He was gone an hour, and then, "T'was nothing important sir," he reported. "A bomb exploded over behind those rocks."

"'Nothing important'", the Kernal mimicked, "just a mere bomb,so to speak. Since when is a bomb regarded as a negative matter? Speak up man ... what about that bomb?

"Well sir, one of our technical men, Seargeant Rothman, was tinkering with an atomic bomb he's been trying to invent, and the blamed thing went off, sir. That's all."

"Yes," sneered Koenig, "I imagine that is all. Are there enough remains to be identified?"

"Oh, nothing like that happened at all, sir. Sgt. Rothman admits something went wrong, sir, but instead of killing him, it duplicated him . In fact, there are now two Sgt. Rothmans, sir."

"TWO Sgt. Rothmans, did you say?" the Kernal shrieked. 

"Yes sir. And sir, Sgt. Rothman number one has a request to make. He asks, sir, that you prevent Sgt. Rothman number two from claiming half of his pay, sir. He claims it was an unavoidable accident."

"Please, please, please!" a familiar voice off in the darkness complained again, bitterly. "Will you two guys PLEASE shut up? I want to sleep".

---

About midnight Lt. Lowndes put in appearance at HQ tent. The extra ace was again hidden in his sleeve in anticipation of another little game.

"Ah," the Kernal greeted him, "Ah. Any new developments, Loot?"

"Sir," Lt. Lowndes informed him, "The moon is bright with silver bliss; the wind is at the breath of a vampire's kiss. Enveloping darkness in its death-like mantle; oh, what a stinky night is this!"

"You lost metre in that second line, Loot." Kernal Koenig kommented."-- anyway, I asked for a report on the watch, not poetry. Are there any new developments?"

"Yes sir, there is. Two of my boys back in the brush, Pvt's Bronson and Fortier have put in a requisition for a hectograph; they want to turn out a fanzine. Cpl. Ackerman has supplied the title for it, the " Lower Californiarguscientifan ", it will cost 5[[cent symbol]], have 24 pages, articles by mysel----- Why Kernal, sir, are you feeling ill?....."

The bottom of the tent at his feet was raised, a head inserted itself in the opening. The head said: "Won't you guys ever shuddup? I can't sleep with all this gabbing going on! NOW SHUT UP!"

(end)

Saving...

11 A Kernal Koenig did a mad war dance on the sands. "Officer of the Day !" I want Officer of the Day!" Pvt. Speer emerged from the tent and slid up to him. "Sorry sir. Can I be of any help? I'm afraid the Officer of the Day has retired sir. His duties expired at sundown. What is it the Kernal wishes, sir?" The Kernal wrung his hands. "Look, man. A few moments ago an explosion that sounded like all the banshees in hell let loose over there in the brush somewhere. I've been trying to find out what it was. Everyone around here seems to know nothing about it. Do you suppose you can find out what it was?" "Yes sir. With pleasure sir." A salute, and Pvt. Speer slipped away. He was gone an hour, and then, "T'was nothing important sir," he reported. "A bomb exploded over behind those rocks." "'Nothing important'", the Kernal mimicked, "just a mere bomb,so to speak. Since when is a bomb regarded as a negative matter? Speak up man ... what about that bomb? "Well sir, one of our technical men, Seargeant Rothman, was tinkering with an atomic bomb he's been trying to invent, and the blamed thing went off, sir. That's all." "Yes," sneered Koenig, "I imagine that is all. Are there enough remains to be identified?" "Oh, nothing like that happened at all, sir. Sgt. Rothman admits something went wrong, sir, but instead of killing him, it duplicated him . In fact, there are now two Sgt. Rothmans, sir." "TWO Sgt. Rothmans, did you say?" the Kernal shrieked. "Yes sir. And sir, Sgt. Rothman number one has a request to make. He asks, sir, that you prevent Sgt. Rothman number two from claiming half of his pay, sir. He claims it was an unavoidable accident." "Please, please, please!" a familiar voice off in the darkness complained again, bitterly. "Will you two guys PLEASE shut up? I want to sleep". --- About midnight Lt. Lowndes put in appearance at HQ tent. The extra ace was again hidden in his sleeve in anticipation of another little game. "Ah," the Kernal greeted him, "Ah. Any new developments, Loot?" "Sir," Lt. Lowndes informed him, "The moon is bright with silver bliss; the wind is at the breath of a vampire's kiss. Enveloping darkness in its death-like mantle; oh, what a stinky night is this!" "You lost metre in that second line, Loot." Kernal Koenig kommented."-- anyway, I asked for a report on the watch, not poetry. Are there any new developments?" "Yes sir, there is. Two of my boys back in the brush, Pvt's Bronson and Fortier have put in a requisition for a hectograph; they want to turn out a fanzine. Cpl. Ackerman has supplied the title for it, the " Lower Californiarguscientifan ", it will cost 5[[cent symbol]], have 24 pages, articles by mysel----- Why Kernal, sir, are you feeling ill?....." The bottom of the tent at his feet was raised, a head inserted itself in the opening. The head said: "Won't you guys ever shuddup? I can't sleep with all this gabbing going on! NOW SHUT UP!" (end)