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Take Back the Night meeting notes and plans, 1982

1982-10-23 Men who support Take Back The Night

Men who support TAKE BACK THE NIGHT are meeting on October 23, 7:00 p.m. at the IMU (IOWA MEMORIAL UNION), in the WISCONSIN ROOM.

Questions regarding men at Take Back the Night
Q: By not having men attend the TBTN rally, aren't you denying men a chance to learn about violence against women?
A: TBTN is not an educational event. It is an opportunity for women to come together and share their experiences and feelings in a safe environment. It is also a place for women to feel the connection with other women and feel safe in a place that is not usually safe for them. If men want to learn more about violence against women, we encourage them to use educational resources - materials from RVAP, the libraries, etc. We support men in looking at their experiences regarding violence against women.

Q: Don't you want men to show their support of women?
A: a) Men can show their support by acknowledging women's need to share with other women in a safe environment. They can also begin to educate themselves about how they can engage with other men in anti-violence work. b) Men's support has often been in terms of offering protection. Men need to start educating themselves and other men about sexist attitudes which allow women to be seen as appropriate victims. c) No men's group has raised the issue of violence or organized to work on male violence. We want men to begin this work. We want acknowledgment that women have been doing this work for years. We cannot come together and share experiences or support until men have explored and identified their own feelings and experiences.

Q: But what about men who feel pain and anger about violence against women?
A: We acknowledge that men are affected by violence against women by setting up a space for men to come together. Men's reactions and experiences surrounding violence against women are different from women's because the violence isn't experienced directly. Men need to explore their experiences with other men. Women need to be in touch with their own pain and anger and need not to take care of men.

Q: But men may be victims of sexual violence - rape, sexual abu e, etc...
A: Our concern is that men get support for these experiences. By raising these issues, however, we often forget that women are the primary victims and we are talking about male violence. We believe that because of our internalized sexism, men's and women's experience of violence is different. We hope that men who have been victimized can begin to find ways to get support from other men around these issues.

Q: Aren't you treating all men as rapists?
A: a) Just as you can't identify a "victim" so you cannot identify a "perpetrator." We ask men to be sensitive to the fact that women have learned to be cautious of men, all men, for their own survival. We ask men to acknowledge the privileges that being male gives them and to be aware that they have access to many areas which women do not on a daily basis. Men who are concerned about violence against women will respect women's need to have a "safe environment." b) Don Long of R.A.V.E.N., a group of men working on anti-violence in St. Louis, addressed this issue by saying "While all men are not batterers, all men have internalized sexist attitudes, which allow violence to happen. We grow up in a sexist society. Men who don't batter, interrupt women in meetings, talk more, objectify women, are willing to take a job for more pay than a woman would receive, etc." We want to see men acknowledging that they have benefited from male privilege and have hurt women in the process. We ask men to respect that women's anger needs to be shared without worrying about whether a man will be personally offended or hurt.

Q: Aren't you afraid of alienating men who might be supportive?
A: When this question is raised, the issue becomes, "How much room are men willing to give women?" This means that men still maintain a power position. Violence is about power and who has it. Until women can take care of themselves and each other without worrying about whether men will be hurt, threatened and angry, we are still experiencing a power imbalance (i.e., men's needs are more important). Until that power issue is addressed by men, we cannot work together as equals. Men need to look at how they can work with other men to identify their needs and how they use their power.

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Men who support TAKE BACK THE NIGHT are meeting on October 23, 7:00 p.m. at the IMU (IOWA MEMORIAL UNION), in the WISCONSIN ROOM. Questions regarding men at Take Back the Night Q: By not having men attend the TBTN rally, aren't you denying men a chance to learn about violence against women? A: TBTN is not an educational event. It is an opportunity for women to come together and share their experiences and feelings in a safe environment. It is also a place for women to feel the connection with other women and feel safe in a place that is not usually safe for them. If men want to learn more about violence against women, we encourage them to use educational resources - materials from RVAP, the libraries, etc. We support men in looking at their experiences regarding violence against women. Q: Don't you want men to show their support of women? A: a) Men can show their support by acknowledging women's need to share with other women in a safe environment. They can also begin to educate themselves about how they can engage with other men in anti-violence work. b) Men's support has often been in terms of offering protection. Men need to start educating themselves and other men about sexist attitudes which allow women to be seen as appropriate victims. c) No men's group has raised the issue of violence or organized to work on male violence. We want men to begin this work. We want acknowledgment that women have been doing this work for years. We cannot come together and share experiences or support until men have explored and identified their own feelings and experiences. Q: But what about men who feel pain and anger about violence against women? A: We acknowledge that men are affected by violence against women by setting up a space for men to come together. Men's reactions and experiences surrounding violence against women are different from women's because the violence isn't experienced directly. Men need to explore their experiences with other men. Women need to be in touch with their own pain and anger and need not to take care of men. Q: But men may be victims of sexual violence - rape, sexual abu e, etc... A: Our concern is that men get support for these experiences. By raising these issues, however, we often forget that women are the primary victims and we are talking about male violence. We believe that because of our internalized sexism, men's and women's experience of violence is different. We hope that men who have been victimized can begin to find ways to get support from other men around these issues. Q: Aren't you treating all men as rapists? A: a) Just as you can't identify a "victim" so you cannot identify a "perpetrator." We ask men to be sensitive to the fact that women have learned to be cautious of men, all men, for their own survival. We ask men to acknowledge the privileges that being male gives them and to be aware that they have access to many areas which women do not on a daily basis. Men who are concerned about violence against women will respect women's need to have a "safe environment." b) Don Long of R.A.V.E.N., a group of men working on anti-violence in St. Louis, addressed this issue by saying "While all men are not batterers, all men have internalized sexist attitudes, which allow violence to happen. We grow up in a sexist society. Men who don't batter, interrupt women in meetings, talk more, objectify women, are willing to take a job for more pay than a woman would receive, etc." We want to see men acknowledging that they have benefited from male privilege and have hurt women in the process. We ask men to respect that women's anger needs to be shared without worrying about whether a man will be personally offended or hurt. Q: Aren't you afraid of alienating men who might be supportive? A: When this question is raised, the issue becomes, "How much room are men willing to give women?" This means that men still maintain a power position. Violence is about power and who has it. Until women can take care of themselves and each other without worrying about whether men will be hurt, threatened and angry, we are still experiencing a power imbalance (i.e., men's needs are more important). Until that power issue is addressed by men, we cannot work together as equals. Men need to look at how they can work with other men to identify their needs and how they use their power.