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Fan-Atic, v. 1, issue 2, March 1941
Page 14
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FAN-ATIC, Vol 1, No 2. March 1941. Page 14 "VITONS, VITAMINS, AND VITAPHONES" ((Courtesy of Starlight Publications)) Reprint -By Clipping Bureau-----H.P. Pong. (The last word in above title is patented, so better not repeat it- HPP) ((Editor's note: Let a different, startling, or thought-varient story or article appear in print and immediately a host of squabbles and squabblers will arise over it, and it's possible merit. And too, a few alleged comics will appear, to make a humorous gag of it. The new UNKNOWN's first novel "Sinister Barrier" was no exception, and neither was Pong!)) (((Yeah, we know this is old, but it's still good; at least we think so --- ye eds.))) FEATHER-MERCHANT PHENOMENA: Shame on youse birds for belittling Fearn for writing that truly different yarn. And dirty double-shame on youse punks for making whirling motions with your fingers at Campbell, for printing it. Unlike you, they, and I, know whereof they speak-- and print! I also keep one of those clipping books, under lock and key, for many are the dreadful secrets it contains! And I call it "Feather-Merchant Phenomena," for the Vitons might get me, whereas the little men don't mind. One of the clippings in my book deals with a farmer living on the outskirts of a place in Missouri called Hickoryville. Well, it seems that this farmer lives down near the hem of this particular outskirt, and reported, several times in succession, of seeing strange red and white lights across his pastures, accompanied by odd noises. He was afraid to get too close, but he does claim that on an old abandoned road, on nights of the full moon, he can make out several long, black, streamlined shapes under the trees. These "shapes" have more white ones on one end, and one or two red ones on the opposite. The farmer put in a hurry call for Hawkshaw ((??-eds note)) Pong, to solve the mystery. Pong reports te following: "On the night of the full moon, I did cross the pasture and creep silently up to this deserted mill road. There I did see the dark shapes reported, but there were no lights. Emboldened, I crept closer. I heard voices. Pulling out a notebook, I took, in shorthand, the following conversation, evidently made by the eerie visitors: "Cus mi ittle tootsie wootsie uvvums beeg strongums mans?" And: "Ums sex de do! Boog strongum mans hold ittle tootsie wootsie kwooser!" CASE TWO: In a little trading center of deepest Belgian Congo, 3 natives came dashing in to the company trading store, frothing at the mouth. They bubbled an incoherrant story of seeing strange flares and lights in a tall tree, of finding a hugh dead bird, and hearing voices. Alarmed, the Congo government immediately sent for Pong. He reports the following: "Did journey to Belgian Congo to view scene of visitation. Found one of the three natives left alive, and upon trading him two pints firewater, one blanket, and six bags wampum, did get from him the following: He, with his brothers, stumbled across the carcass of a giant bird one evening near sundown. Its wings measured more than thirty fee across. A bit further on they were startled to hear voices coming from a treetop, and saw a sudden flare light the tree, to be followed by two glowing red dots. The native, who could speak bottle of firewater; The words coming down from the treetop were these: "Godammit, you would Continued on next page.
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FAN-ATIC, Vol 1, No 2. March 1941. Page 14 "VITONS, VITAMINS, AND VITAPHONES" ((Courtesy of Starlight Publications)) Reprint -By Clipping Bureau-----H.P. Pong. (The last word in above title is patented, so better not repeat it- HPP) ((Editor's note: Let a different, startling, or thought-varient story or article appear in print and immediately a host of squabbles and squabblers will arise over it, and it's possible merit. And too, a few alleged comics will appear, to make a humorous gag of it. The new UNKNOWN's first novel "Sinister Barrier" was no exception, and neither was Pong!)) (((Yeah, we know this is old, but it's still good; at least we think so --- ye eds.))) FEATHER-MERCHANT PHENOMENA: Shame on youse birds for belittling Fearn for writing that truly different yarn. And dirty double-shame on youse punks for making whirling motions with your fingers at Campbell, for printing it. Unlike you, they, and I, know whereof they speak-- and print! I also keep one of those clipping books, under lock and key, for many are the dreadful secrets it contains! And I call it "Feather-Merchant Phenomena," for the Vitons might get me, whereas the little men don't mind. One of the clippings in my book deals with a farmer living on the outskirts of a place in Missouri called Hickoryville. Well, it seems that this farmer lives down near the hem of this particular outskirt, and reported, several times in succession, of seeing strange red and white lights across his pastures, accompanied by odd noises. He was afraid to get too close, but he does claim that on an old abandoned road, on nights of the full moon, he can make out several long, black, streamlined shapes under the trees. These "shapes" have more white ones on one end, and one or two red ones on the opposite. The farmer put in a hurry call for Hawkshaw ((??-eds note)) Pong, to solve the mystery. Pong reports te following: "On the night of the full moon, I did cross the pasture and creep silently up to this deserted mill road. There I did see the dark shapes reported, but there were no lights. Emboldened, I crept closer. I heard voices. Pulling out a notebook, I took, in shorthand, the following conversation, evidently made by the eerie visitors: "Cus mi ittle tootsie wootsie uvvums beeg strongums mans?" And: "Ums sex de do! Boog strongum mans hold ittle tootsie wootsie kwooser!" CASE TWO: In a little trading center of deepest Belgian Congo, 3 natives came dashing in to the company trading store, frothing at the mouth. They bubbled an incoherrant story of seeing strange flares and lights in a tall tree, of finding a hugh dead bird, and hearing voices. Alarmed, the Congo government immediately sent for Pong. He reports the following: "Did journey to Belgian Congo to view scene of visitation. Found one of the three natives left alive, and upon trading him two pints firewater, one blanket, and six bags wampum, did get from him the following: He, with his brothers, stumbled across the carcass of a giant bird one evening near sundown. Its wings measured more than thirty fee across. A bit further on they were startled to hear voices coming from a treetop, and saw a sudden flare light the tree, to be followed by two glowing red dots. The native, who could speak bottle of firewater; The words coming down from the treetop were these: "Godammit, you would Continued on next page.
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