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Fanfare, v. 2, issue 1, whole no. 7, August 1941
Page 17
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fanfare xvii THE GOATHERD Don't say I didn't tell you that the S F CYNIC is D B Thompson... ......................................... How about paying a little attention to Art Widner, who, we think, hasn't a vestige of conscience. We won't swear this is true, for it came to us in a rather peculiar fashion -- but here we have what Art seems to think is TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR After the last FANFARE was issued, Art's "conscience" troubled him a little. He didn't realize it, though, for it worked on him subconsciously. Consciously, Art refused to recognize its murmurings because Art just hates to feel bad about things. Anyway, the pent up, inwanted realization burst its bonds one night while Art slumbered, and he had this dream... A stern, black-robed judge with shadowed unseen face, stood behind a giant bar upon a dark and many faceted diamond-shaped dias. (Interpreting, of course, we know that the judge is his conscience, apparelling itself so as to force its message into his reluctant mind.) (*Giant bar, eh? Oh boy, I'll have a giant short beer!*) The judge was demanding and getting an accounting for the magazine FANFARE, but the recalcitrant Widner was trying to minimize the judge's point. "I give 'em Gilbert and SLAN!DER," Widner sobbed. "The fans wanted a regular columnist and I gave 'em Gilbert. He's good." Widner looked up at the judge to see if that item had made an impression but his only reply was a hollow laugh reminiscent of the SHADOW programs. Widner shivered. Dropping to his knees, he wailed, "---And I give 'em NFFF news. And I give'm STRANGER CLUB items. I give'm a good readers' department." Widner paused to see if his words were having a lenient effect, but achieving no immediate signm he grasped at a straw. "I promised them GOATHERD." Another dull laugh and his inquisitor said, "And what then, did the fans say?" Widner moaned. "Oh, the blessed fools! All these things I give 'em, and they write in to ask me to please hectograph FANFARE so that it can be read!" (*Very clever, except that alias Rusty Link doesn't slumber. He merely stands in the corner and plugs his tail into the battery charger for a few hours...Anyway, he doesn't even bother to ignore U.) ................................. And while we're on the subject, mention might be made that there's a slight movement on foot to get Art to change his letterary goodbye from "Auf Widnersehen" to "Oaf Widnersehen." (*Ouch! -- Widner's sayin'.) From other quarters we hear that Jack Chapman Miske is planning to sue PLUTO and Dale Tarr for labeling him only a half-god in the #8 issue of that mag. "Half-god!" snorts Miske. "Why it's libel. And he titled the article, HALF-GOD GOES. Goes! Imagine that! Why I don't know whether I'm coming or going yet, myself. ...................................... If the preceding section of this column didn't set you to eating tin cans, butt your head against these little odds and GOAT-GETTERS ends, and see how you run out. Initially, we have those two Rocklynnian characters, Colbie and Deverel, co-starred in a little Venusian drama called
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fanfare xvii THE GOATHERD Don't say I didn't tell you that the S F CYNIC is D B Thompson... ......................................... How about paying a little attention to Art Widner, who, we think, hasn't a vestige of conscience. We won't swear this is true, for it came to us in a rather peculiar fashion -- but here we have what Art seems to think is TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR After the last FANFARE was issued, Art's "conscience" troubled him a little. He didn't realize it, though, for it worked on him subconsciously. Consciously, Art refused to recognize its murmurings because Art just hates to feel bad about things. Anyway, the pent up, inwanted realization burst its bonds one night while Art slumbered, and he had this dream... A stern, black-robed judge with shadowed unseen face, stood behind a giant bar upon a dark and many faceted diamond-shaped dias. (Interpreting, of course, we know that the judge is his conscience, apparelling itself so as to force its message into his reluctant mind.) (*Giant bar, eh? Oh boy, I'll have a giant short beer!*) The judge was demanding and getting an accounting for the magazine FANFARE, but the recalcitrant Widner was trying to minimize the judge's point. "I give 'em Gilbert and SLAN!DER," Widner sobbed. "The fans wanted a regular columnist and I gave 'em Gilbert. He's good." Widner looked up at the judge to see if that item had made an impression but his only reply was a hollow laugh reminiscent of the SHADOW programs. Widner shivered. Dropping to his knees, he wailed, "---And I give 'em NFFF news. And I give'm STRANGER CLUB items. I give'm a good readers' department." Widner paused to see if his words were having a lenient effect, but achieving no immediate signm he grasped at a straw. "I promised them GOATHERD." Another dull laugh and his inquisitor said, "And what then, did the fans say?" Widner moaned. "Oh, the blessed fools! All these things I give 'em, and they write in to ask me to please hectograph FANFARE so that it can be read!" (*Very clever, except that alias Rusty Link doesn't slumber. He merely stands in the corner and plugs his tail into the battery charger for a few hours...Anyway, he doesn't even bother to ignore U.) ................................. And while we're on the subject, mention might be made that there's a slight movement on foot to get Art to change his letterary goodbye from "Auf Widnersehen" to "Oaf Widnersehen." (*Ouch! -- Widner's sayin'.) From other quarters we hear that Jack Chapman Miske is planning to sue PLUTO and Dale Tarr for labeling him only a half-god in the #8 issue of that mag. "Half-god!" snorts Miske. "Why it's libel. And he titled the article, HALF-GOD GOES. Goes! Imagine that! Why I don't know whether I'm coming or going yet, myself. ...................................... If the preceding section of this column didn't set you to eating tin cans, butt your head against these little odds and GOAT-GETTERS ends, and see how you run out. Initially, we have those two Rocklynnian characters, Colbie and Deverel, co-starred in a little Venusian drama called
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