DIY History | Transcribe | Hevelin Fanzines | Last Testament, issue 18, December 1941

Transcribe
Translate

Last Testament, issue 18, December 1941

31858063105013_007

The Last Testament

I was bedside when he died and he died as I had always wished to die. I wrote it into my autobiography for all to see. "How brave he is!" they would say. "How filled with the love of life yet how he embraces death. This man knows not fear for his mind is open and he sees within."

AT THE DEATHBED: "You have been so kind to me," he repeated and his voice stumbled. "I have not known kindness like this always. There have been days when I wanted to die but I was afraid to die. I had not known kindness all my life. I was always afraid to die for I could see the Pit. When I slept, I hovered over its dark edges and the sea was there but the kindness was not. Always the sea was there and sometimes its waves tossed a ship wildly but sometimes the ship was gone. Then I felt very close -- very close to the edge."

"But the ship! Where was the ship?"

He answered feebly now. "There is no ship. There is only kindness. I am going to only kindness. There is no pit. If life is kind, I do not want to die but I am not afraid: There is only kindness. I do not -- want -- to -- die...but -- am -- not -- fraidhhh…"

We wiped the salt from his face and took his boots off.
* * * *
How can a man who has never seen the Pit ignore its presence? And what if he has known only Heaven; will he not fear Hell the more?
* * * *
An autobiography will age you as much as a last will and testament -- which is equally final. But there is a difference between the two. An autobiography, to be genuine, must be a part of you; a will may be a part of anyone. It has only to give a part of you away.
* * * *
THE BOOK: When I published it, it was a great success. I was lionized and invited to lecture throughout the world. "How brave he is," they said. "How filled with the love of life yet how he embraces death. This man knows not fear for his mind is open and sees within." -- To a million people I said -- "I do not want to die but I am not afraid afraid." And they believed me to the end.
* * * *
AT THE PIT: When the ship went from the angry oceans I became mad with fear. My eyes followed the sinking masts. And still the edges seemed to fade -- and the light grew dim. -- I fled from the edge of darkness, now empty and without form. The boots slowed me down; I kicked them off. -- It was the darkness that slowed me down. -- All the world was white with bitter salt. I could run no further.
* * * *
AT THE DEATHBED: It wasn't funny to hear him pray for life and call it death. And when he tried to write and couldn't hold the pen -- that wasn't funny. But the will was funny.

THE WILL: He left to man, the animal, his kindness, which he never used. He left to man, the soul, his fear, which he used too late. He left a pair of salty boots on the edge of the Pit -- he no longer needed them.
………………………………………………….
Frederick Shroyer: "Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven" -- Paradise Lost, Milton.

Saving...

The Last Testament I was bedside when he died and he died as I had always wished to die. I wrote it into my autobiography for all to see. "How brave he is!" they would say. "How filled with the love of life yet how he embraces death. This man knows not fear for his mind is open and he sees within." AT THE DEATHBED: "You have been so kind to me," he repeated and his voice stumbled. "I have not known kindness like this always. There have been days when I wanted to die but I was afraid to die. I had not known kindness all my life. I was always afraid to die for I could see the Pit. When I slept, I hovered over its dark edges and the sea was there but the kindness was not. Always the sea was there and sometimes its waves tossed a ship wildly but sometimes the ship was gone. Then I felt very close -- very close to the edge." "But the ship! Where was the ship?" He answered feebly now. "There is no ship. There is only kindness. I am going to only kindness. There is no pit. If life is kind, I do not want to die but I am not afraid: There is only kindness. I do not -- want -- to -- die...but -- am -- not -- fraidhhh…" We wiped the salt from his face and took his boots off. * * * * How can a man who has never seen the Pit ignore its presence? And what if he has known only Heaven; will he not fear Hell the more? * * * * An autobiography will age you as much as a last will and testament -- which is equally final. But there is a difference between the two. An autobiography, to be genuine, must be a part of you; a will may be a part of anyone. It has only to give a part of you away. * * * * THE BOOK: When I published it, it was a great success. I was lionized and invited to lecture throughout the world. "How brave he is," they said. "How filled with the love of life yet how he embraces death. This man knows not fear for his mind is open and sees within." -- To a million people I said -- "I do not want to die but I am not afraid afraid." And they believed me to the end. * * * * AT THE PIT: When the ship went from the angry oceans I became mad with fear. My eyes followed the sinking masts. And still the edges seemed to fade -- and the light grew dim. -- I fled from the edge of darkness, now empty and without form. The boots slowed me down; I kicked them off. -- It was the darkness that slowed me down. -- All the world was white with bitter salt. I could run no further. * * * * AT THE DEATHBED: It wasn't funny to hear him pray for life and call it death. And when he tried to write and couldn't hold the pen -- that wasn't funny. But the will was funny. THE WILL: He left to man, the animal, his kindness, which he never used. He left to man, the soul, his fear, which he used too late. He left a pair of salty boots on the edge of the Pit -- he no longer needed them. …………………………………………………. Frederick Shroyer: "Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven" -- Paradise Lost, Milton.