DIY History | Transcribe | Hevelin Fanzines | Wavelength, v. 1, issue 3, Fall 1941

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Wavelength, v. 1, issue 3, Fall 1941

31858063099622_007

                                                                                    7
[title and author centered] 
THE COLUMBIA CAMP TRIES TO BECOME WISE
George Wetzel

They were sitting round the conference table, and wandering what they should do because the Devention was over and there was many a sore head among them. "If," said Fan A, "we could be but more wise as a fam-ily of fans!" How could they manage it? Fan B had been to college, and the rest of them all went to night school; but still as a fan-group the best that could be said of them was, "At lease they are not imbeciles!" This was not encouraging, as you can judge for yourself. "It comes from books," said a member of the Camp. "People who have a great many books are very wise." Then they counted up all the books in the Camp and they found very few volumes - a few school books and Lydia Pinkham's "Ad-vice to Women - Don't Go Through Life Handicapped - Are Your Children Getting Enough?" were all.
"That's the thing!" said Fan B. "We want a library." 
"We want a library!" said Joseph Gilbert. And all of them exclaimed, "We want a library!'
"Let us think how we shall get one," said Fan A. "I have observed that other people think a great deal of thinking." 
So they sat - all of them - and thought - half of them - a great while.
"Then," said Fan B, "I will make a library. There are some boards in the wood-shed, and I have a hammer and some nails, and perhaps we can borrow some hinges, and there we have our library!" They were all very much pleased at the idea.
"That's the bookease part," said Fan C; "but where are the books?" 
So they sat - all of them - and thought - half of them - a little while, when Joseph Gilbert exclaimed, "I will make a book!" They all looked at him in wonder. "Yes," said Joseph Gilbert, "books will make us wise; but first I must make a book." 
So they started to make the book. But there was no ink. What should he do for ink? Fan C said that he had heard that nutgalls and vinegar made good ink. So they decided to make some. Some fans said they could find some nutgalls up in the woods. So they all agreed to set out and pick some. Fan A put on his straw hat, and the other fans got into their india-rubber boots, and off they went.
The nutgalls were hard to find. There was almost everything else in the woods, chestnuts and walnuts, and small hazel nuts, and a great many squirrels; and they had to walk a great way. At last they came back to the Camp with a large basket and two nutgalls in it. Then came back to the question of the vinegar. Fan A's wife had used hers the day before - on some beets. The other fans didn't have wifes to turn to.
"Suppose we go ask the minister's wife," said Fan C. So they all went to the minister's wife. She said if they wanted some good vinegar they had better get a barrel of cider down in the cellar, and in a year or two it would make very nice vinegar. But they said they wanted it that 
very afternoon. When the minister's wife heard this she said she should be very glad to let them have some vinegar, and gave them a cupful to carry to the Camp. So they stirred in the nutgalls, and but the time evening came they had very good ink.
Then Joseph Gilbert wanted a pen. Fan B had a steel one, but Joseph Gilbert said, "Poets always used quills." Fan C suggested that they all should go out to the poultry-yard and get a quill. But it was already dark. They had, however, two lanterns, and the fans, A and B, borrowed the neighbor's. They set out in procession for the poultry-yard. When they got there the fowls were all at roost, so they could look at them quietly. But there were no geese! There were Shanghais, and Cochin-Chi-nas, and Guinea hens, and Poland roosters, and bantams, and ducks, and

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7 [title and author centered] THE COLUMBIA CAMP TRIES TO BECOME WISE George Wetzel They were sitting round the conference table, and wandering what they should do because the Devention was over and there was many a sore head among them. "If," said Fan A, "we could be but more wise as a fam-ily of fans!" How could they manage it? Fan B had been to college, and the rest of them all went to night school; but still as a fan-group the best that could be said of them was, "At lease they are not imbeciles!" This was not encouraging, as you can judge for yourself. "It comes from books," said a member of the Camp. "People who have a great many books are very wise." Then they counted up all the books in the Camp and they found very few volumes - a few school books and Lydia Pinkham's "Ad-vice to Women - Don't Go Through Life Handicapped - Are Your Children Getting Enough?" were all. "That's the thing!" said Fan B. "We want a library." "We want a library!" said Joseph Gilbert. And all of them exclaimed, "We want a library!' "Let us think how we shall get one," said Fan A. "I have observed that other people think a great deal of thinking." So they sat - all of them - and thought - half of them - a great while. "Then," said Fan B, "I will make a library. There are some boards in the wood-shed, and I have a hammer and some nails, and perhaps we can borrow some hinges, and there we have our library!" They were all very much pleased at the idea. "That's the bookease part," said Fan C; "but where are the books?" So they sat - all of them - and thought - half of them - a little while, when Joseph Gilbert exclaimed, "I will make a book!" They all looked at him in wonder. "Yes," said Joseph Gilbert, "books will make us wise; but first I must make a book." So they started to make the book. But there was no ink. What should he do for ink? Fan C said that he had heard that nutgalls and vinegar made good ink. So they decided to make some. Some fans said they could find some nutgalls up in the woods. So they all agreed to set out and pick some. Fan A put on his straw hat, and the other fans got into their india-rubber boots, and off they went. The nutgalls were hard to find. There was almost everything else in the woods, chestnuts and walnuts, and small hazel nuts, and a great many squirrels; and they had to walk a great way. At last they came back to the Camp with a large basket and two nutgalls in it. Then came back to the question of the vinegar. Fan A's wife had used hers the day before - on some beets. The other fans didn't have wifes to turn to. "Suppose we go ask the minister's wife," said Fan C. So they all went to the minister's wife. She said if they wanted some good vinegar they had better get a barrel of cider down in the cellar, and in a year or two it would make very nice vinegar. But they said they wanted it that very afternoon. When the minister's wife heard this she said she should be very glad to let them have some vinegar, and gave them a cupful to carry to the Camp. So they stirred in the nutgalls, and but the time evening came they had very good ink. Then Joseph Gilbert wanted a pen. Fan B had a steel one, but Joseph Gilbert said, "Poets always used quills." Fan C suggested that they all should go out to the poultry-yard and get a quill. But it was already dark. They had, however, two lanterns, and the fans, A and B, borrowed the neighbor's. They set out in procession for the poultry-yard. When they got there the fowls were all at roost, so they could look at them quietly. But there were no geese! There were Shanghais, and Cochin-Chi-nas, and Guinea hens, and Poland roosters, and bantams, and ducks, and