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Fantasy Fictioneer, v. 1, issue 1, Novemeber-December 1939
Page 7
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Nov.-Dec. FANTASY FICTIONEER 7 [centered] AN OPEN LETTER TO A CONGRESSMAN The Hon. Phineas Q. Twitchet Member of Large Washington, D.C. Dear Sir [indented] I herewith take pencil-stub in forepaw to call your honorable attention to a most hideous condidtion existing today. Now, I am aware that you are a [underlined] most busy man, what with your diplomatic activ-ity over discovering that foreign submarine in the New York City reser-voir, and your courageous work on the Committee for Mulcting Widows, but, busy as you must be, this horrible condition needs your immediate attention! [indented] Americans have [underlined] always been known for their generous characters, especially when it comes to aiding beleaguered and starving peoples of the world. Look how we dispatched shipload after shipload overseas to the hungry German army in 1916; look how we did the same thing to the Japanese in 1932, and even helped arm them against the nasty Chinese. Look how we are still sending huge sums to starving Russians, Turks, and Egyptians! I easily recall one chap who toured the mid-west not so long ago solicting funds to send to Europe to feed the starving Indians! [indented] Now this what [underlined] I seek is a very small favor. I just [underlined] knew Congress and America will help some [underlined] really gasping people! America, which has [underlined] so much, surely cannot stand idly by and watch a poorer peo-ple persish! I beg of you to introduce at once a special Bill: [Indented] A Bill providing for the immediate shipment to Mars of huge quantities of oxygen. I am unsure just what this "oxygen" is, but I have just received a message from a Martian to the effect that the entire planet suffers from a lack of the stuff! Naturally, I at once called up all the stores in my neighborhood seeking some, but, sorry to say, could not find any. And you see it is beyond my poor reach to send huge quantities of it to them -- we rich Americans just must help those poor starving Martians! I am sure our grocery warehouses, our Army depots, and our overflowing farms have plenty of "oxygen" in a more primary state probably, but there, nevertheless! We Americans al-ways have far too much of anything than we need! (Except money.) [Indented] So I herewith petition you at once to introduce a Bill calling for the immediate shipment to our sinking neighbor planet every ounce of oxygen that can be grown! I will keep in touch with you. [Justified] The League for Aiding Starving Martians H. Ping Pong, Secretary. [centered] P.S. I just happened to remember that we as yet have no space ships for transporting supplies to Mars, but do not let this detain you as I have a workable plan for the solution, and in connection with it, our Mr. Speer will call on you soon. Thank You. HPP
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Nov.-Dec. FANTASY FICTIONEER 7 [centered] AN OPEN LETTER TO A CONGRESSMAN The Hon. Phineas Q. Twitchet Member of Large Washington, D.C. Dear Sir [indented] I herewith take pencil-stub in forepaw to call your honorable attention to a most hideous condidtion existing today. Now, I am aware that you are a [underlined] most busy man, what with your diplomatic activ-ity over discovering that foreign submarine in the New York City reser-voir, and your courageous work on the Committee for Mulcting Widows, but, busy as you must be, this horrible condition needs your immediate attention! [indented] Americans have [underlined] always been known for their generous characters, especially when it comes to aiding beleaguered and starving peoples of the world. Look how we dispatched shipload after shipload overseas to the hungry German army in 1916; look how we did the same thing to the Japanese in 1932, and even helped arm them against the nasty Chinese. Look how we are still sending huge sums to starving Russians, Turks, and Egyptians! I easily recall one chap who toured the mid-west not so long ago solicting funds to send to Europe to feed the starving Indians! [indented] Now this what [underlined] I seek is a very small favor. I just [underlined] knew Congress and America will help some [underlined] really gasping people! America, which has [underlined] so much, surely cannot stand idly by and watch a poorer peo-ple persish! I beg of you to introduce at once a special Bill: [Indented] A Bill providing for the immediate shipment to Mars of huge quantities of oxygen. I am unsure just what this "oxygen" is, but I have just received a message from a Martian to the effect that the entire planet suffers from a lack of the stuff! Naturally, I at once called up all the stores in my neighborhood seeking some, but, sorry to say, could not find any. And you see it is beyond my poor reach to send huge quantities of it to them -- we rich Americans just must help those poor starving Martians! I am sure our grocery warehouses, our Army depots, and our overflowing farms have plenty of "oxygen" in a more primary state probably, but there, nevertheless! We Americans al-ways have far too much of anything than we need! (Except money.) [Indented] So I herewith petition you at once to introduce a Bill calling for the immediate shipment to our sinking neighbor planet every ounce of oxygen that can be grown! I will keep in touch with you. [Justified] The League for Aiding Starving Martians H. Ping Pong, Secretary. [centered] P.S. I just happened to remember that we as yet have no space ships for transporting supplies to Mars, but do not let this detain you as I have a workable plan for the solution, and in connection with it, our Mr. Speer will call on you soon. Thank You. HPP
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