DIY History | Transcribe | Hevelin Fanzines | Paradox, v. 2, issue 4, whole no 8

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TUCKER'S THOUGHTFUL THEORIES ON TIME TRAVELLING

(Proving that it is impossible to kill Grandfather.)

By Bob Tucker, TTD

   Having become thoroly intrigued and enmeshed by the various data and articles on time travelling appearing in Paradox and a recent Fapa Mailing, the author (a noted authority on the transfugiting of tempus) herewith attempts to explain to the uninitiated his cosmic conception of the art. For it is an art. Not just anyone can pop up and shove off on a journey thru time, any more than just anyone can paint a good picture.
    To begin, flatly, any one capable of killing his Grandfather will not be able to time-travel; not travel into the past, anyway. The Supreme Mechanics will see to that. Imagine the embarrassment to them if someone did succeed in bumping off the old gentleman. The deed would be equallto throwing a monkey wrench into the Universal Gears. Time would go smash.
   From this fact it has been deduced that any fan harboring thoughts of such an act may as well give up his time-travelling dreams at once. He has killed his own chances of such a venture by his own thoughts. But, you say, supposing a fan did not have such thoughts, and travelled back thru time, and the idea popped into his head on the spur of the moment, ah--consider the attached diagram for a moment, and you will see that this too is absolutely impossible.
     You must view the problem from Grandfather's angle, not yours, for after all, the fact that you exist now proves he lived to do his part in producing you. Like this: Grandfather is living merely along when all of a sudden something happens to him. (Point A). It may be a knifing in a dark alley, it may be a runaway horse. Point A is where you tried to kill him. You didn't succeed, for he hasn't yet performed the necessary with Grandmother, to put it brutally.
    However, let us say your knifing very nearly succeeded (Bear in mind that he does not know it is you; he has no idea that such as you will ever exist). He has been attacked. He totters home. If conception has taken place, he can die on the front porch, in the old rocking chair, or anywhere he takes a notion. You have been successful. If conception has not taken place, he will not die until it has. You have failed in that point. You have proof of it. You exist.
     Point A shows his lifeline as  a jagged mark. You can try your knifing act anywhere along that lifeline but you will not be successful until after conception. You may then bump him off at will.
     However, a warning: one bright young student thought he would outsmart me and upset this theory by not failing to kill his grandfather before conception. Grandfather was too smart for the lad. Grandfather shot and killed him. Now the lad died back in 1880 and I have his 1944 diary to prove it. (His time machine, like a trusty horse, came home by itself.)
     Let this be a lesson to you.
     Also on the agenda is this old chestnut about watches and clocks stopping, when being carried thru time. Banana oil. The

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TUCKER'S THOUGHTFUL THEORIES ON TIME TRAVELLING (Proving that it is impossible to kill Grandfather.) By Bob Tucker, TTD Having become thoroly intrigued and enmeshed by the various data and articles on time travelling appearing in Paradox and a recent Fapa Mailing, the author (a noted authority on the transfugiting of tempus) herewith attempts to explain to the uninitiated his cosmic conception of the art. For it is an art. Not just anyone can pop up and shove off on a journey thru time, any more than just anyone can paint a good picture. To begin, flatly, any one capable of killing his Grandfather will not be able to time-travel; not travel into the past, anyway. The Supreme Mechanics will see to that. Imagine the embarrassment to them if someone did succeed in bumping off the old gentleman. The deed would be equallto throwing a monkey wrench into the Universal Gears. Time would go smash. From this fact it has been deduced that any fan harboring thoughts of such an act may as well give up his time-travelling dreams at once. He has killed his own chances of such a venture by his own thoughts. But, you say, supposing a fan did not have such thoughts, and travelled back thru time, and the idea popped into his head on the spur of the moment, ah--consider the attached diagram for a moment, and you will see that this too is absolutely impossible. You must view the problem from Grandfather's angle, not yours, for after all, the fact that you exist now proves he lived to do his part in producing you. Like this: Grandfather is living merely along when all of a sudden something happens to him. (Point A). It may be a knifing in a dark alley, it may be a runaway horse. Point A is where you tried to kill him. You didn't succeed, for he hasn't yet performed the necessary with Grandmother, to put it brutally. However, let us say your knifing very nearly succeeded (Bear in mind that he does not know it is you; he has no idea that such as you will ever exist). He has been attacked. He totters home. If conception has taken place, he can die on the front porch, in the old rocking chair, or anywhere he takes a notion. You have been successful. If conception has not taken place, he will not die until it has. You have failed in that point. You have proof of it. You exist. Point A shows his lifeline as a jagged mark. You can try your knifing act anywhere along that lifeline but you will not be successful until after conception. You may then bump him off at will. However, a warning: one bright young student thought he would outsmart me and upset this theory by not failing to kill his grandfather before conception. Grandfather was too smart for the lad. Grandfather shot and killed him. Now the lad died back in 1880 and I have his 1944 diary to prove it. (His time machine, like a trusty horse, came home by itself.) Let this be a lesson to you. Also on the agenda is this old chestnut about watches and clocks stopping, when being carried thru time. Banana oil. The