DIY History | Transcribe | Hevelin Fanzines | Spaceways, v. 3, issue 6, whole no. 22, August 1941

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Spaceways, v. 3, issue 6, whole no. 22, August 1941

S P A C E W A Y S       9
THE INSIGNIFICANT INVASION

suns of different sizes and shapes passed, but I didn't like any of them. Finally, I decided on a pretty blue-green one with two planets and accessories to match. "Ahh," I said, and spiraled down for a landing. 

Nearing the outermore of the two planets, a jagged, airless sphere, I discerned to my surprise a strange dome-shaped object beside a level plain. Puzzled, I dropped lower to examine it. What could it be? An old derby? A plate of Jello? A discarded fishbowl? No, none of these things, I decided, and later events proved my judgement to be correct; for when I skidded to a halt in the greenish-blue soil it became at once apparent that I was gazing upon--careful, dear reader, this will shock you--a city! Yes, yes!
Slowly the Bedbug of Space came to rest on the soil of a new planet! Eagerly I put on my shimmering aluminum spacesuit, with snood to match, and crawled through the airlock. Making my way hurriedly through the maze of machinery on the outside of my sturdy craft, I at last reached the ground. Ah, the feelings that flooded through me in that historic moment! Kneeling, I planted a small flag in the sandy soil, and solemnly recited these words: "I, Richard Pooksniffle Snerg, do hereby claim this land and all territories adjacent thereunto, to wit and howsomever, for the sovereign state of Gloober's Department Store, and its airs and ensigns. Numquam equum bonum detibus tollite." The simple and touching ceremony completed, I set out with new faith and resolution for the enigmatic city under glass. Slowly I approached the huge dome. It was made of an amber-colored glassy substance, through which the buildings of the great metropolis could be plainly seen. But how to get in? After vainly trying (a) to climb over the wall, (b) to tunnel under the wall, and (c) to manufacture a blow-torch out of spaghetti cans and string and cut my way through the wall, I finally decided to look for a door. Lo! I found one! With a heartfelt prayer of thanks to that divine Providence which watched over us in our hours of need from somewhere beyond the third galaxy, amen, I opened the door and walked in. No sooner had I done so than the light from behind me was suddenly cut off! In a flash, I turned, whipped out my deadly little atom-gun, and fired! When the smoke cleared away, there was a neat little hole in the outer door of the airlock. I laughed hysterically at my fears. Obviously my passing had set off a photoelectric cell, closing the outer door. Obviously. Now then, if I went forward a bit, the other door would obviously also open. But before I could test my theory, the room was abruptly filled by an opaque pink gas. "Aha!" cried I, "Desperate Desmond, foul fiend that you are, you think to trap me with your insidious lethal vapors! But virtue shall triumph in the end," I went on brandishing my gun dramatically, "for I, Richard Snerg, have outwitted you by the precaution of wearing a spacesuit!" I would have said more, but just then the gas began melting away as swiftly and mysteriously as it had appeared, leaving only a flaky pink coating over my aluminum spacesuit. "Strange," I muttered to myself, "methought I saw the hand of mine ancient enemy in this; yet, on the other hand--". With a careless shrug I dismissed the matter from my mind and moved onward, a gay, thin-lipped smile playing about my mouth; the carefree smile that had made uncounted criminals shudder and quake in their boots... as a matter of fact, it frightened little children, too. 
As I had anticipated, the second airlock door slid swiftly open as I approached it. As swiftly I slithered through, my deadly gun ready as I surveyed this scene before me. But in all the great city, no enemy showed himself; the place was still, lifeless, airless. "Shucks," I said. 

I walked along the pawed streets, between the tall, unearthly buildings, pondering on the enigma of this dead city on a lifeless world. What had become of the race which had built this magnificent edifice; what had happened to the atmosphere which it had no doubt once held? How far is up? Why is a policeman? How many doshes make one galoon? On such eternal mysteries I mused as I strolled along the white street among the dwellings of a people that did not

Saving...

S P A C E W A Y S 9 THE INSIGNIFICANT INVASION suns of different sizes and shapes passed, but I didn't like any of them. Finally, I decided on a pretty blue-green one with two planets and accessories to match. "Ahh," I said, and spiraled down for a landing. Nearing the outermore of the two planets, a jagged, airless sphere, I discerned to my surprise a strange dome-shaped object beside a level plain. Puzzled, I dropped lower to examine it. What could it be? An old derby? A plate of Jello? A discarded fishbowl? No, none of these things, I decided, and later events proved my judgement to be correct; for when I skidded to a halt in the greenish-blue soil it became at once apparent that I was gazing upon--careful, dear reader, this will shock you--a city! Yes, yes! Slowly the Bedbug of Space came to rest on the soil of a new planet! Eagerly I put on my shimmering aluminum spacesuit, with snood to match, and crawled through the airlock. Making my way hurriedly through the maze of machinery on the outside of my sturdy craft, I at last reached the ground. Ah, the feelings that flooded through me in that historic moment! Kneeling, I planted a small flag in the sandy soil, and solemnly recited these words: "I, Richard Pooksniffle Snerg, do hereby claim this land and all territories adjacent thereunto, to wit and howsomever, for the sovereign state of Gloober's Department Store, and its airs and ensigns. Numquam equum bonum detibus tollite." The simple and touching ceremony completed, I set out with new faith and resolution for the enigmatic city under glass. Slowly I approached the huge dome. It was made of an amber-colored glassy substance, through which the buildings of the great metropolis could be plainly seen. But how to get in? After vainly trying (a) to climb over the wall, (b) to tunnel under the wall, and (c) to manufacture a blow-torch out of spaghetti cans and string and cut my way through the wall, I finally decided to look for a door. Lo! I found one! With a heartfelt prayer of thanks to that divine Providence which watched over us in our hours of need from somewhere beyond the third galaxy, amen, I opened the door and walked in. No sooner had I done so than the light from behind me was suddenly cut off! In a flash, I turned, whipped out my deadly little atom-gun, and fired! When the smoke cleared away, there was a neat little hole in the outer door of the airlock. I laughed hysterically at my fears. Obviously my passing had set off a photoelectric cell, closing the outer door. Obviously. Now then, if I went forward a bit, the other door would obviously also open. But before I could test my theory, the room was abruptly filled by an opaque pink gas. "Aha!" cried I, "Desperate Desmond, foul fiend that you are, you think to trap me with your insidious lethal vapors! But virtue shall triumph in the end," I went on brandishing my gun dramatically, "for I, Richard Snerg, have outwitted you by the precaution of wearing a spacesuit!" I would have said more, but just then the gas began melting away as swiftly and mysteriously as it had appeared, leaving only a flaky pink coating over my aluminum spacesuit. "Strange," I muttered to myself, "methought I saw the hand of mine ancient enemy in this; yet, on the other hand--". With a careless shrug I dismissed the matter from my mind and moved onward, a gay, thin-lipped smile playing about my mouth; the carefree smile that had made uncounted criminals shudder and quake in their boots... as a matter of fact, it frightened little children, too. As I had anticipated, the second airlock door slid swiftly open as I approached it. As swiftly I slithered through, my deadly gun ready as I surveyed this scene before me. But in all the great city, no enemy showed himself; the place was still, lifeless, airless. "Shucks," I said. I walked along the pawed streets, between the tall, unearthly buildings, pondering on the enigma of this dead city on a lifeless world. What had become of the race which had built this magnificent edifice; what had happened to the atmosphere which it had no doubt once held? How far is up? Why is a policeman? How many doshes make one galoon? On such eternal mysteries I mused as I strolled along the white street among the dwellings of a people that did not