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FMS Digest, v. 1, issues 1-5, February - July 1941

v.1:no.2: Page 7

F M S DIGEST     Page 7

MERRY-GO-ROUNDS GET NOWHERE

By Ray Bradbury
From the DENVENTIONEER COMET
Volume 1, Number 1

If anyone can tell me just why the Martians would WANT to invade the earth, I'll turn a couple handstands and do a Russian kazotska on my wooden leg. In the first place what could a Martian expect when he got here? Millions of horrible diseases strange to his body and millions of strange and horrible people and millions of outre and grisly inventions, jumbled ugly cities and garbled tongues, war, famine, starvation, rickets and garbage wagons, science-fiction magazines and Ackerman, robots and Dixie Cups, the Good Humor Man and Benny Goodman, H. G. Wells and fertilizer, Boulder Dam and Flat Foot Floogie, typewriters, raucous radios, subways and [[illegible]] contemptous creatures called civilized people.
God save the poor Martian. He'd be too frightened and awed to carry on his invasion.
Not to mention a few other physical factors, such as strange climate, different food, different atmosphere and temperature and too much sunlight. After millions of years of living on a planet where a good breath of air is scarce as a dodo's eye-teeth, they'd fall down and roll over dead from oxygen intoxication. The sun would blind them, strike them dead with heat and if they lived through that they'd be annihilated after drinking Welch's grape juice two years to keep that ghoulish figure.
The Martians must be a fairly decent bunch of lugs by now. They are probably little men with pink bandanas and fur mufflers who go jumping around on pogo sticks on the Martian wastes in between having ten thousand children (bi-sexual, you know).
By the same token, why should we invade Mars?
Time will now be taken out while everyone sits quietly and thinks that one over. Awe inspiring, isn't it?
And if Hitler replies, "To give us 'living room'," I'll scream.
There's too much room on earth now. If there was less room and more people we'd have fewer wars. Murders would be high, yes, but think how intimate it would be if twenty million people lived in one great big building together, sleeping in automatic beds that popped them out every morning, like hunks of well burnt bread from a toaster, to allow another shift to sleep. That would be true science. That would be true Shroyerism.
Again, I repeat. god save the Martians if they came to earth. Because the way I feel now they can have the whole god - blamed planet. I'll take mine with fudge on the side. Hic!

HOW ABOUT A Fanzine Index?

By Robert W. Lowndes

Condensed from FANTASY FICTION FIELD
March 15, 1941

The Imag-Index, covering the range of magazine stf from the first Gernsback Amazing up through 1938, is undoubtedly a masterly piece of work. All in all, Brady & Kuntz have done a job which'll endear them to collectors for many years to come.
However, there is another task which some enterprizing fan should undertake, one of those days before it is too late, a job beside which the Imag-Index seems veritable childsplay. That is the task of indexing the fanzines, and instituting a reliable yearbook of fan publications, noting full contents.
The index would consist of mention of all fanzines in the general check-list and complete contents, with specifications as to whether item was fiction, drawing, news-item, or what. It would be a bit too much to give complete indexes of the various weekly publications, although mention should be made of special articles, features, guest-editorials, and the like, appearing in them.
Anyone who actually makes this index will have more than earned the appelation of "famous fan."

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F M S DIGEST Page 7 MERRY-GO-ROUNDS GET NOWHERE By Ray Bradbury From the DENVENTIONEER COMET Volume 1, Number 1 If anyone can tell me just why the Martians would WANT to invade the earth, I'll turn a couple handstands and do a Russian kazotska on my wooden leg. In the first place what could a Martian expect when he got here? Millions of horrible diseases strange to his body and millions of strange and horrible people and millions of outre and grisly inventions, jumbled ugly cities and garbled tongues, war, famine, starvation, rickets and garbage wagons, science-fiction magazines and Ackerman, robots and Dixie Cups, the Good Humor Man and Benny Goodman, H. G. Wells and fertilizer, Boulder Dam and Flat Foot Floogie, typewriters, raucous radios, subways and [[illegible]] contemptous creatures called civilized people. God save the poor Martian. He'd be too frightened and awed to carry on his invasion. Not to mention a few other physical factors, such as strange climate, different food, different atmosphere and temperature and too much sunlight. After millions of years of living on a planet where a good breath of air is scarce as a dodo's eye-teeth, they'd fall down and roll over dead from oxygen intoxication. The sun would blind them, strike them dead with heat and if they lived through that they'd be annihilated after drinking Welch's grape juice two years to keep that ghoulish figure. The Martians must be a fairly decent bunch of lugs by now. They are probably little men with pink bandanas and fur mufflers who go jumping around on pogo sticks on the Martian wastes in between having ten thousand children (bi-sexual, you know). By the same token, why should we invade Mars? Time will now be taken out while everyone sits quietly and thinks that one over. Awe inspiring, isn't it? And if Hitler replies, "To give us 'living room'," I'll scream. There's too much room on earth now. If there was less room and more people we'd have fewer wars. Murders would be high, yes, but think how intimate it would be if twenty million people lived in one great big building together, sleeping in automatic beds that popped them out every morning, like hunks of well burnt bread from a toaster, to allow another shift to sleep. That would be true science. That would be true Shroyerism. Again, I repeat. god save the Martians if they came to earth. Because the way I feel now they can have the whole god - blamed planet. I'll take mine with fudge on the side. Hic! HOW ABOUT A Fanzine Index? By Robert W. Lowndes Condensed from FANTASY FICTION FIELD March 15, 1941 The Imag-Index, covering the range of magazine stf from the first Gernsback Amazing up through 1938, is undoubtedly a masterly piece of work. All in all, Brady & Kuntz have done a job which'll endear them to collectors for many years to come. However, there is another task which some enterprizing fan should undertake, one of those days before it is too late, a job beside which the Imag-Index seems veritable childsplay. That is the task of indexing the fanzines, and instituting a reliable yearbook of fan publications, noting full contents. The index would consist of mention of all fanzines in the general check-list and complete contents, with specifications as to whether item was fiction, drawing, news-item, or what. It would be a bit too much to give complete indexes of the various weekly publications, although mention should be made of special articles, features, guest-editorials, and the like, appearing in them. Anyone who actually makes this index will have more than earned the appelation of "famous fan."