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Le Zombie, Special Convention Issue, 1939

Page 4

I saw a professional Editor marooned in a corner, his back to the wall as the following many remarks were hurled at him by as many snarling readers: “Fer Ca-ripes sake!  Who thinks up the titles down at your joint?  Look of these: ‘Rebels Take Mars’, ‘Revolution Under Venus’, ‘The Horror From You-Guess-Where’, ‘The Lavender Men of Gooseflesh’, ….  cripes, what titles!”
and:
“Lookit this!  Just lookit this!  I ask you…  Rough edges!  Say, what in the hadees kind of a run-around you trying to pull on us fans, anyhow?  Does UNKNOWN have rough edges? --- does ASTOUNDING have rough edges? ---now listen to me, punk…….!”
and:
“Why the hell don’t you reprint ‘The Moon Pool’?  Scared to pay a hard working author a little dough, hey?  Alright, raise the price of your rag another nickle …..  I’ll pay it! Only give us ‘Moon Pool’ !
and:
“Say, what the devil is the idea of usin’ reprints?  What’cha think we hand over a cool fifteen cents each month for?  Stuff we read years ago?  Now listen guy, we want new stories, or else --- see?”
and: 
“Oh!  Do you print stories in your magazine?”
and:
“Look, Campbell old chap; now we all know that your mag, WEIRD TALES, is the best science fiction mag on the stands, see?  An ‘ I’m gonna give you a decent break, see?  Now I gotta coupla yarns here that will go over like hot cakes, and I wonder if you couldn’t give me an extra ½¢ a word for ‘em………?”
and:
“Hi ya, Hornig old pal old pal old pal….Haven’t saw ya ‘ since the Chi Fair in ’33!  Hear yer running a mag of your own now…..say, speakin’ of mags, howz about slippin ‘ me a coupla of Paul originals, y ‘know, for old time’s sake……….”
and so forth!

I saw a fan club from Philadelphia rush across the hall to where a fan club from Los Angeles was, but each of the clubs were made of wood, and both were banged on heads generously.  Ackerman seemed to take an especial delight in jumping up and down on the chest of each victim!

I saw two New York fans giving an out-of-towner from Oklahoma “the works” .  One stood in front of him selling him a copy of the ‘Science Fiction Appleknocker’at an outrageous price, while another slipped up behind and picked his pocket

I saw another fan, taking a tip from Ackerman, jumping up and down on the chest of a fallen fan, shouting: “….are you going to keep my name out of that filthy rag of yours? ……are you going to quit satirizing me in that smelly ‘D’JOURNAL’? ……are you going to stop saying I am not an old timer, huh? …….etc.”

During the showing of the picture “Metropolis” I saw any number of fans who had imbibed one root-beer too many make the picture miserable for others by constantly jumping up and down in the light beam from the projector and making animal-shadows on the screen by hand manipulations!

I saw three guys wink at a blonde six seats from where you are sitting now.  The blonde told her old man, who was a fan and was along.  Three fans were missing at roll-call.
                                                                                         
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I saw a professional Editor marooned in a corner, his back to the wall as the following many remarks were hurled at him by as many snarling readers: “Fer Ca-ripes sake! Who thinks up the titles down at your joint? Look of these: ‘Rebels Take Mars’, ‘Revolution Under Venus’, ‘The Horror From You-Guess-Where’, ‘The Lavender Men of Gooseflesh’, …. cripes, what titles!” and: “Lookit this! Just lookit this! I ask you… Rough edges! Say, what in the hadees kind of a run-around you trying to pull on us fans, anyhow? Does UNKNOWN have rough edges? --- does ASTOUNDING have rough edges? ---now listen to me, punk…….!” and: “Why the hell don’t you reprint ‘The Moon Pool’? Scared to pay a hard working author a little dough, hey? Alright, raise the price of your rag another nickle ….. I’ll pay it! Only give us ‘Moon Pool’ ! and: “Say, what the devil is the idea of usin’ reprints? What’cha think we hand over a cool fifteen cents each month for? Stuff we read years ago? Now listen guy, we want new stories, or else --- see?” and: “Oh! Do you print stories in your magazine?” and: “Look, Campbell old chap; now we all know that your mag, WEIRD TALES, is the best science fiction mag on the stands, see? An ‘ I’m gonna give you a decent break, see? Now I gotta coupla yarns here that will go over like hot cakes, and I wonder if you couldn’t give me an extra ½¢ a word for ‘em………?” and: “Hi ya, Hornig old pal old pal old pal….Haven’t saw ya ‘ since the Chi Fair in ’33! Hear yer running a mag of your own now…..say, speakin’ of mags, howz about slippin ‘ me a coupla of Paul originals, y ‘know, for old time’s sake……….” and so forth! I saw a fan club from Philadelphia rush across the hall to where a fan club from Los Angeles was, but each of the clubs were made of wood, and both were banged on heads generously. Ackerman seemed to take an especial delight in jumping up and down on the chest of each victim! I saw two New York fans giving an out-of-towner from Oklahoma “the works” . One stood in front of him selling him a copy of the ‘Science Fiction Appleknocker’at an outrageous price, while another slipped up behind and picked his pocket I saw another fan, taking a tip from Ackerman, jumping up and down on the chest of a fallen fan, shouting: “….are you going to keep my name out of that filthy rag of yours? ……are you going to quit satirizing me in that smelly ‘D’JOURNAL’? ……are you going to stop saying I am not an old timer, huh? …….etc.” During the showing of the picture “Metropolis” I saw any number of fans who had imbibed one root-beer too many make the picture miserable for others by constantly jumping up and down in the light beam from the projector and making animal-shadows on the screen by hand manipulations! I saw three guys wink at a blonde six seats from where you are sitting now. The blonde told her old man, who was a fan and was along. Three fans were missing at roll-call. (next page)