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Le Zombie, Special Convention Issue, 1939
Page 5
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I heard a shrill bloodcurdling scream and looked up to see Percy T. Wilkinson swinging from a rafter. “Look, fellas – I’m Tarzan!” The rafter broke and deposited Tarzan Wilkinson in the tub of ice water used for cooling the soda pop! At the banquet given in honor of that author, I was mortified to death to be plunked in the eye by a pea some ‘fan’ knifed at me! And everytime I passed my glass up for more water, Jack Speer who sat next to me, made it a point to stick a dirty thumb into the returning water, up to the hilt! At the baseball game Bob Madle got mad at Umpire Mort Weisinger ‘cause he called a ’ball’ a ‘strike’ and splintered a bat over his head. Then Bill Sykora got sore ‘cause they wouldn’t let him pitch, and took his ball and went home, which ended the game with a score of 0 – 0 in favor of the Queens Cometeers. At one of the science discussions I saw a disciple of the late Charles Fort get up, take the floor from Einstein (who was lecturing on space) and prove the Universe didn’t exist! --- Yes, truly the First World Science Fiction Convention was comparable to an angelic conference above the clouds !! ---- ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ THINGS TO DO AT THE CONVENTION ! ! Watch Bradbury stow away the eats. Pay attention to Moskowitz when he speaks. Give the speaker on the rostrum your undivided attention, even if it means losing your turn at the mumblty-peg game you are playing. Keep your hand on your wallet so to tell the fan next to you where you carry it. He will, no doubt, thank you later. Hang around pretty close to the eats-counter. There is going to be a wild stampede when somebody yells “Come and get it!” . Be sure Dale Hart dosn’t slip a black widow spider down your neck! There will be few females present, compared to the male attendance, rush over to every one you see and make yourself a perfect bore. Take a subscription to every fan mag mentioned and pay the “editor” of it at least six month’s subscription in advance…..you’ll never regret it. Take home a chair from the convention hall as a souvenir. ( New Fandom will make it up to the Hall.) Never play marbles with strange fans. Tell the open-mouth guy next to you of the wondrous collection of fan mags you have back home. Pad it a bit…… Be sure to display the latest copy of the right magazine as you pass each editor. If you run across the publisher of ‘Flabbergasting Tales’ make it a point to tell him what a lousy mag he has and it’s editor should be replaced. Mention that Pong would make a dandy…….. Ask Palmer of AMAZING (if he is there) why he didn’t print your last two letters in his Discussions column. Be respectful to every author present. Otherwise they might make you the villain in their next Martian opus. Make yourself popular by heckling each speaker. When one begins telling of life on other planets, let him have a good, loud: “Vas you dare Sharley?” A nimble mind can work up an almost unlimited store of bright remarks to hurl at each speaker. Try it! ____________________________ ____________________________
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I heard a shrill bloodcurdling scream and looked up to see Percy T. Wilkinson swinging from a rafter. “Look, fellas – I’m Tarzan!” The rafter broke and deposited Tarzan Wilkinson in the tub of ice water used for cooling the soda pop! At the banquet given in honor of that author, I was mortified to death to be plunked in the eye by a pea some ‘fan’ knifed at me! And everytime I passed my glass up for more water, Jack Speer who sat next to me, made it a point to stick a dirty thumb into the returning water, up to the hilt! At the baseball game Bob Madle got mad at Umpire Mort Weisinger ‘cause he called a ’ball’ a ‘strike’ and splintered a bat over his head. Then Bill Sykora got sore ‘cause they wouldn’t let him pitch, and took his ball and went home, which ended the game with a score of 0 – 0 in favor of the Queens Cometeers. At one of the science discussions I saw a disciple of the late Charles Fort get up, take the floor from Einstein (who was lecturing on space) and prove the Universe didn’t exist! --- Yes, truly the First World Science Fiction Convention was comparable to an angelic conference above the clouds !! ---- ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ THINGS TO DO AT THE CONVENTION ! ! Watch Bradbury stow away the eats. Pay attention to Moskowitz when he speaks. Give the speaker on the rostrum your undivided attention, even if it means losing your turn at the mumblty-peg game you are playing. Keep your hand on your wallet so to tell the fan next to you where you carry it. He will, no doubt, thank you later. Hang around pretty close to the eats-counter. There is going to be a wild stampede when somebody yells “Come and get it!” . Be sure Dale Hart dosn’t slip a black widow spider down your neck! There will be few females present, compared to the male attendance, rush over to every one you see and make yourself a perfect bore. Take a subscription to every fan mag mentioned and pay the “editor” of it at least six month’s subscription in advance…..you’ll never regret it. Take home a chair from the convention hall as a souvenir. ( New Fandom will make it up to the Hall.) Never play marbles with strange fans. Tell the open-mouth guy next to you of the wondrous collection of fan mags you have back home. Pad it a bit…… Be sure to display the latest copy of the right magazine as you pass each editor. If you run across the publisher of ‘Flabbergasting Tales’ make it a point to tell him what a lousy mag he has and it’s editor should be replaced. Mention that Pong would make a dandy…….. Ask Palmer of AMAZING (if he is there) why he didn’t print your last two letters in his Discussions column. Be respectful to every author present. Otherwise they might make you the villain in their next Martian opus. Make yourself popular by heckling each speaker. When one begins telling of life on other planets, let him have a good, loud: “Vas you dare Sharley?” A nimble mind can work up an almost unlimited store of bright remarks to hurl at each speaker. Try it! ____________________________ ____________________________
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