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Imagination!, v. 1, issue 9, whole 9, June 1938
Page 6
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6 UPSIDE-DOWN IN TIME, An Astro-Comical Article by O. Henry Kuttner... According to the library records the first interplanetary expedition was made in 2103. This isn't very certain, however, for there's been a lot of confusion in the library since the records were electromagnetized on steel tape. Silverfish, of course, are long extinct, but tapeworms get the records in a bad mess sometimes. But we'll take it for granted that Amos Reeble landed ion Luna in 2103. Scientists went into a frenzy of delite on receiving Reeble's wireless. A noted cigaret co., failing to understand the magnitude of the operation, offerd Reeble a small fortune to plaster across Mare Imbrium a poster advertising their product. The general public wondered what the fuss was alla bout. Then,suddenly, Reeble disappeared. His spaceship was observed easily by means of the Mt Wilson lous[[?]], but, the signs of movement were recorded around it, this was finally attributed to cockroaches. We know, now, that Reeble had been captured by Selenites & used in the making of a certain adhesive, or glue, which was popular among them at the time. Inasmuch as the Selenites had no sensory organs of any kind it was yrs before they were made to understand that Terrestrials were intelligent. Some of them still can't believe it... Ofcourse once the first interplanetary flite proved successful, the rush was on. Great manufacturing cos. turned out spaceships by the thousands, only slitely deterd by the fact that nobody bought them. Finally the ships became a drug on the market. They were given away as premiums. Some oldsters even today remember the gigantic billboards, SEND IN 6 WHEATIE LABELS & GET A FREE SPACESHIP. The deadlock was broken by Interplanetary Kraft Kompany of Yonkers--IKKY, as it was familiarly known. The biology labs of this unscrupulous firm perfected an ion-virus, which, applyd to chromesomes, removed growth limitations. This repugnant stuff was given to a herd of giant pandas, & within 10 yrs the world was panda-conscious. They grew. They reproduced with hysterical rapidity. In short, mankind was forced off the earth. The Pres. of IKKY met a deserved fate while attempting to flee from a panda, which first spat in his eye, blinding him, then devoured the wretch at leisure. So, one by one, the planets were visited by earthmen. There was considerable trouble at first. The Marsians persisted in using colossal Flit-sprayers on the terrestrials, & the huge sheets of flypaper they spread accounted for whole civilizations. Annihilation threatend human beings until a P-man (of the Planetary Police) named Undergunk invented the atom-disorganizer, a device now in popular use. This weapon projected a ray which got the atoms of the Marsians' bodys fighting among themselves, & not until the electrons had set up a communistic form of govt did things get better. Where was I? By the time the IPU (Inter-Planetary Union) was formd a remarkable thing had taken place on Tere[[?]]. The pandas had formd perfect breedingrounds for the chromosomes, which had rapidly evolved untilt they had actually become intelligent. Led by one of their number, a militant imperialist named Gene, they decided to conquer the planets. By sheer luck the entire race of chromosomes was destroyed in 3076 NBC (Nightes Before Christmas) by an unusual fenemenon called a deaf mutation. This thing is awflly difficult to explain --especially as I don't understand it myself... A few 100 yrs later history was made when Capt Eric Diddle, of the Metropolitan Union of Satellites Hierarchy (MUSH), made the first flite outside the Solar System. When Diddle landed on the innermost planet of Alpha Centurai, he found himself in the plaze of Steehuk, a one-horse town of the Centaurs. A great concourse of strange creatures, somewhat resembling coconut cup cakes, was drawn up facing him, at their head the Supreme Ruler of the planet. For a moment Diddle remaind silent in the spacelock, perhaps overcome by the tremendous magnitude of his feat. Then, with the simplicity of the true hero, he stept forward, graspt the chief Centaur's hand-organ, & o-punned conversation: "Pleased to meteor."
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6 UPSIDE-DOWN IN TIME, An Astro-Comical Article by O. Henry Kuttner... According to the library records the first interplanetary expedition was made in 2103. This isn't very certain, however, for there's been a lot of confusion in the library since the records were electromagnetized on steel tape. Silverfish, of course, are long extinct, but tapeworms get the records in a bad mess sometimes. But we'll take it for granted that Amos Reeble landed ion Luna in 2103. Scientists went into a frenzy of delite on receiving Reeble's wireless. A noted cigaret co., failing to understand the magnitude of the operation, offerd Reeble a small fortune to plaster across Mare Imbrium a poster advertising their product. The general public wondered what the fuss was alla bout. Then,suddenly, Reeble disappeared. His spaceship was observed easily by means of the Mt Wilson lous[[?]], but, the signs of movement were recorded around it, this was finally attributed to cockroaches. We know, now, that Reeble had been captured by Selenites & used in the making of a certain adhesive, or glue, which was popular among them at the time. Inasmuch as the Selenites had no sensory organs of any kind it was yrs before they were made to understand that Terrestrials were intelligent. Some of them still can't believe it... Ofcourse once the first interplanetary flite proved successful, the rush was on. Great manufacturing cos. turned out spaceships by the thousands, only slitely deterd by the fact that nobody bought them. Finally the ships became a drug on the market. They were given away as premiums. Some oldsters even today remember the gigantic billboards, SEND IN 6 WHEATIE LABELS & GET A FREE SPACESHIP. The deadlock was broken by Interplanetary Kraft Kompany of Yonkers--IKKY, as it was familiarly known. The biology labs of this unscrupulous firm perfected an ion-virus, which, applyd to chromesomes, removed growth limitations. This repugnant stuff was given to a herd of giant pandas, & within 10 yrs the world was panda-conscious. They grew. They reproduced with hysterical rapidity. In short, mankind was forced off the earth. The Pres. of IKKY met a deserved fate while attempting to flee from a panda, which first spat in his eye, blinding him, then devoured the wretch at leisure. So, one by one, the planets were visited by earthmen. There was considerable trouble at first. The Marsians persisted in using colossal Flit-sprayers on the terrestrials, & the huge sheets of flypaper they spread accounted for whole civilizations. Annihilation threatend human beings until a P-man (of the Planetary Police) named Undergunk invented the atom-disorganizer, a device now in popular use. This weapon projected a ray which got the atoms of the Marsians' bodys fighting among themselves, & not until the electrons had set up a communistic form of govt did things get better. Where was I? By the time the IPU (Inter-Planetary Union) was formd a remarkable thing had taken place on Tere[[?]]. The pandas had formd perfect breedingrounds for the chromosomes, which had rapidly evolved untilt they had actually become intelligent. Led by one of their number, a militant imperialist named Gene, they decided to conquer the planets. By sheer luck the entire race of chromosomes was destroyed in 3076 NBC (Nightes Before Christmas) by an unusual fenemenon called a deaf mutation. This thing is awflly difficult to explain --especially as I don't understand it myself... A few 100 yrs later history was made when Capt Eric Diddle, of the Metropolitan Union of Satellites Hierarchy (MUSH), made the first flite outside the Solar System. When Diddle landed on the innermost planet of Alpha Centurai, he found himself in the plaze of Steehuk, a one-horse town of the Centaurs. A great concourse of strange creatures, somewhat resembling coconut cup cakes, was drawn up facing him, at their head the Supreme Ruler of the planet. For a moment Diddle remaind silent in the spacelock, perhaps overcome by the tremendous magnitude of his feat. Then, with the simplicity of the true hero, he stept forward, graspt the chief Centaur's hand-organ, & o-punned conversation: "Pleased to meteor."
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