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Imagination!, v. 1, issue 9, whole 9, June 1938
Page 12
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12 HOW TO BECOME A SCI-FIC FAN ~Ray Bradbury Everyone, at one time or another, finds it convenient to toss aside the cares of the world to delve into the supernatural or scientific side of nature. Everyone at one time or another has a mother-in-law. Everyone--practically, anyway--has a wife (or unreasonable facsimile of same) to his (dis)credit. Alrite, then--what better excuse has anyone got for reading science fiction?! Science fiction makes you forget anything--even the way your stomach flipt over & belcht when your mother-in-law came downstairs this morning daubd in white gooey cream. It will make you forget how your wife looks when you wake up in the morning & find her blubbering into your left ear (her teeth were on the table, remember?) & make noises like a devilbegotten ghoul. If it can do this, it must be good. firsthing to do when buying a bunch of stf mags is to rush into the store at a brisk pace & tear down the magazine racks trying to find the oldest one possible. Then start arguing about the price, & how yellowd & aged the darnd thing is, to the mgr of the store. Tear out the staples on the back in sly & that'll put the price down about a dime anyway (you can put them back in when you get home). When you finally get your price, rush out of the store doing a Russian kazotska on your good leg. Run for the nearest bus, dive in the window & sit alongside the nearest fat lady bubbling with delite as you thumb your way thru the ancient piece of papyrus you have just acquired. Sit holding the bk in your lap, eyes wildly staring from side to side, lips curld back in a pernicious grin, cars twitching and chest hcaving to and fro. If you must drool with anxiety, do so with regularity (make the tide go out & in). When paying your fare on the bus always drop in a Science Fiction Leag Official Pin by mistake. I find that they clog up the mechanism very easily & by the time the busman gets the darnd thing out you'll be at the street where you want to get off without having to pay any fare. At home, on evenings when your wife is wishing for excitement & when some relatives come to visit, sit in the best chair with your shoes off & pantslegs rolld up about 2 ft. Avidly glare at your stf mag & mumble about atoms & Supernova &c. Belch occasionally as the hero in the story fires his disintegrator (the noise is about the same & it makes good atmosfere). This is as good a way as any to rid the house of rats, mice, cockroaches & relatives... VERSE OF THE IMAGI-NATION IF-- By "Hollerbochen" If U can keep Ur head when all about U The SFL is going to clout U-- If U can smile & always pay Ur due & make allowance for Ur salary too-- If U can watch the wild, the "haze"-ing Herd Without resorting to Ur trusty sword To pay Ur dues from out Ur family board Without incurring the wrath of Ur landlord---- If U can sit & listen to some guy Until U swear U feel that U'll soon die-- If U can sit within a small Brown Room & hear the slow pronouncement of Ur doom-- If U can face a crazy writers talking & read a magazine in hieroglyphique-- If U can hear HanKuttner always squalking: "My new idea is swell, it's quite terrifique!"---- If U can understand IMAGINATION! & know about Prof Einstein's pet Relation-- If U can under be a fan & sing a song & make a noise just like King Kong-- If U have 15 c within Ur hand & at our cafeteria U land, We'll cry: "U r the guy we need...O, just the one." Then U'r in the LASFL, my son!
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12 HOW TO BECOME A SCI-FIC FAN ~Ray Bradbury Everyone, at one time or another, finds it convenient to toss aside the cares of the world to delve into the supernatural or scientific side of nature. Everyone at one time or another has a mother-in-law. Everyone--practically, anyway--has a wife (or unreasonable facsimile of same) to his (dis)credit. Alrite, then--what better excuse has anyone got for reading science fiction?! Science fiction makes you forget anything--even the way your stomach flipt over & belcht when your mother-in-law came downstairs this morning daubd in white gooey cream. It will make you forget how your wife looks when you wake up in the morning & find her blubbering into your left ear (her teeth were on the table, remember?) & make noises like a devilbegotten ghoul. If it can do this, it must be good. firsthing to do when buying a bunch of stf mags is to rush into the store at a brisk pace & tear down the magazine racks trying to find the oldest one possible. Then start arguing about the price, & how yellowd & aged the darnd thing is, to the mgr of the store. Tear out the staples on the back in sly & that'll put the price down about a dime anyway (you can put them back in when you get home). When you finally get your price, rush out of the store doing a Russian kazotska on your good leg. Run for the nearest bus, dive in the window & sit alongside the nearest fat lady bubbling with delite as you thumb your way thru the ancient piece of papyrus you have just acquired. Sit holding the bk in your lap, eyes wildly staring from side to side, lips curld back in a pernicious grin, cars twitching and chest hcaving to and fro. If you must drool with anxiety, do so with regularity (make the tide go out & in). When paying your fare on the bus always drop in a Science Fiction Leag Official Pin by mistake. I find that they clog up the mechanism very easily & by the time the busman gets the darnd thing out you'll be at the street where you want to get off without having to pay any fare. At home, on evenings when your wife is wishing for excitement & when some relatives come to visit, sit in the best chair with your shoes off & pantslegs rolld up about 2 ft. Avidly glare at your stf mag & mumble about atoms & Supernova &c. Belch occasionally as the hero in the story fires his disintegrator (the noise is about the same & it makes good atmosfere). This is as good a way as any to rid the house of rats, mice, cockroaches & relatives... VERSE OF THE IMAGI-NATION IF-- By "Hollerbochen" If U can keep Ur head when all about U The SFL is going to clout U-- If U can smile & always pay Ur due & make allowance for Ur salary too-- If U can watch the wild, the "haze"-ing Herd Without resorting to Ur trusty sword To pay Ur dues from out Ur family board Without incurring the wrath of Ur landlord---- If U can sit & listen to some guy Until U swear U feel that U'll soon die-- If U can sit within a small Brown Room & hear the slow pronouncement of Ur doom-- If U can face a crazy writers talking & read a magazine in hieroglyphique-- If U can hear HanKuttner always squalking: "My new idea is swell, it's quite terrifique!"---- If U can understand IMAGINATION! & know about Prof Einstein's pet Relation-- If U can under be a fan & sing a song & make a noise just like King Kong-- If U have 15 c within Ur hand & at our cafeteria U land, We'll cry: "U r the guy we need...O, just the one." Then U'r in the LASFL, my son!
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