DIY History | Transcribe | Hevelin Fanzines | Fantasite, v. 2, issue 5, whole 11, May-June 1943

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Fantasite, v. 2, issue 5, whole 11, May-June 1943

Page 11

THE FANTASITE ...11

SAUERKRAUT UND  GEFILTEFISCH
CARLTON J. FASSBEINDER

THE PRIMARY fault with fantasy fiction columnists is that they are prone to sit down to a page of typewriter paper and commence to amble along until they are suddenly beset with an inspiration. The inspiration occurs approximately three-quarters of the way down the first page, and the columnist breaks into a sweat as he realizes that he has another whole page to fill before he can write the journalistic equivalent of "V for Victory", i.e. "thirty".

I want the scientifiction writers to note the ease with which this author has just got around the fault whereof he speaks. Having no idea to start with, he simply commenced lambasting those who write the same. This type of "lecturing" is sure-fire material for one who is temporarily stuck on a "Purple patch". I have often wondered if Woodford and others (Frederick Palmer being a notable example) did not write their textbooks on the art of journalese not so much as a frank effort to instruct beginners--which only affords more competition--but because they, themselves were out of fiction plots. It all sounds like a school-day ditty composed by no less a person than Abraham Lincoln: "Abraham Lincoln is my name, and with my pen I write the same; I write it bold with slate and bead, and leave it here for fools to read".

Lincoln, of course, was not allowed, in later years, to write "How I Wrote the Emancipation Proclamation". Had he run out of bright sayings with which to fill text and fable books of a hundred lesser personages, he probably would have resorted to such tactics himself. We might then be plagued with material such as, "How to be an Honest Abe", notwithstanding that the Lincoln estate after the unfortunate interference of J.W. Boothe was something like #200,000 in the black, though Lincoln's earnings as President were under half that figure.

Lest I betray my own dearth of material at the moment, in a subtle manner I shall simply proceed upon the present line of thought. Having nothing to write about, Fassbeinder shall teach others how to do the same. Supposing Bronson were to approach you and say, "Give me thirty pages of S&G". A less egoistic person would say "thirty" to begin with and go out and buy War Bonds. By the time you get through writing S&G, you cannot afford Bonds, you are buying huge quantities of phenol barbitol. Bronson is therefore a saboteur. (Whisper, whisper, whisper.) Did you know that Bronson doesn't buy War Bonds? Did you know that he is in 4F? Did you know that he didn't volunteer for the Commandos? Did you know that Bronson once knew a Conscientious Objector? Bronson must be a German Agent. (His name is Teutonic!) Let's lynch him! Let's show that a dirty yellow coward--etc., etc.

You will notice that Fassbeinder has used the "undue development" theme above. A minor point may be harped upon and extended into the ludicrous, until the desirable amount of space has been filled. A typical example of this sort of practice may be found in the headline story of a daily newspaper. Another example is a magazine called "Amazing Stories".

Another trick to filling a column is the use of the "unobtrusive subjunctive clause". Assuming you are composing directly on the stencil. (No fan editor would be guilty of admitting to this slovenly procedure, but we know it is done.) You suddenly discover that you have thirteen more lines to fill before you are

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THE FANTASITE ...11 SAUERKRAUT UND GEFILTEFISCH CARLTON J. FASSBEINDER THE PRIMARY fault with fantasy fiction columnists is that they are prone to sit down to a page of typewriter paper and commence to amble along until they are suddenly beset with an inspiration. The inspiration occurs approximately three-quarters of the way down the first page, and the columnist breaks into a sweat as he realizes that he has another whole page to fill before he can write the journalistic equivalent of "V for Victory", i.e. "thirty". I want the scientifiction writers to note the ease with which this author has just got around the fault whereof he speaks. Having no idea to start with, he simply commenced lambasting those who write the same. This type of "lecturing" is sure-fire material for one who is temporarily stuck on a "Purple patch". I have often wondered if Woodford and others (Frederick Palmer being a notable example) did not write their textbooks on the art of journalese not so much as a frank effort to instruct beginners--which only affords more competition--but because they, themselves were out of fiction plots. It all sounds like a school-day ditty composed by no less a person than Abraham Lincoln: "Abraham Lincoln is my name, and with my pen I write the same; I write it bold with slate and bead, and leave it here for fools to read". Lincoln, of course, was not allowed, in later years, to write "How I Wrote the Emancipation Proclamation". Had he run out of bright sayings with which to fill text and fable books of a hundred lesser personages, he probably would have resorted to such tactics himself. We might then be plagued with material such as, "How to be an Honest Abe", notwithstanding that the Lincoln estate after the unfortunate interference of J.W. Boothe was something like #200,000 in the black, though Lincoln's earnings as President were under half that figure. Lest I betray my own dearth of material at the moment, in a subtle manner I shall simply proceed upon the present line of thought. Having nothing to write about, Fassbeinder shall teach others how to do the same. Supposing Bronson were to approach you and say, "Give me thirty pages of S&G". A less egoistic person would say "thirty" to begin with and go out and buy War Bonds. By the time you get through writing S&G, you cannot afford Bonds, you are buying huge quantities of phenol barbitol. Bronson is therefore a saboteur. (Whisper, whisper, whisper.) Did you know that Bronson doesn't buy War Bonds? Did you know that he is in 4F? Did you know that he didn't volunteer for the Commandos? Did you know that Bronson once knew a Conscientious Objector? Bronson must be a German Agent. (His name is Teutonic!) Let's lynch him! Let's show that a dirty yellow coward--etc., etc. You will notice that Fassbeinder has used the "undue development" theme above. A minor point may be harped upon and extended into the ludicrous, until the desirable amount of space has been filled. A typical example of this sort of practice may be found in the headline story of a daily newspaper. Another example is a magazine called "Amazing Stories". Another trick to filling a column is the use of the "unobtrusive subjunctive clause". Assuming you are composing directly on the stencil. (No fan editor would be guilty of admitting to this slovenly procedure, but we know it is done.) You suddenly discover that you have thirteen more lines to fill before you are