Transcribe
Translate
Tale of the 'Evans, v. 4, issue 1, January, 1946
Page 9
More information
digital collection
archival collection guide
transcription tips
reflexes and psychiatrical psychoses. Suffice it to say, that we met in the glade, this stranger and I; and as I stepped aside, courteously as is habitual with me, that he might pass unmolested and without discomfort along the narrow trail, I was over-whelmed by the great undulating waves of nausea that benumbed me as he did approach. Ugh! Heap much malodor! Heap big stink! Gentlemen, I give you my work, the chappie had BO!, but definitely! "Although, as I have just stated so clearly and succinctly, I was nearly overcome by that charnal stench, yet quickly I regained my usual composure, and un my most winning and dlucet tones, inquired sweetly, 'Hey, why the Hell don't you take a bath'? "A pained expression, as of deep shame, crossed the stranger's face at my apparent solicitude, and tears started from his booful blue eyes at the friendliness of my manner. Tremblingly he spoke, 'Tank youse kindly, Boss. Me take bath in Spring'. "Thus," Pete shrugged deprecatingly; "Thus, there was nothing else for me, as a conscientious citizen, to do -- I killed him with ninchalance, aplomb and surety, also with celerity and dispatch, not to mention my tomahawk." "But, my Deah Friend and Compatriot," perplexed the Medicine Man, perplexedly, "I still do not comprehend your motive." "Of a verity, Most Reverend Sir, it is most simple. Could I let him pollute the civic water supply of our very neat and tidy community, by bathing that filthy carcase in our spring?" And Pete, that Heap-Big-Jackass-Who-Has-Nothing-Whatsoever-In-His-Upper-Story, folded his magnificent arms across his manly chest in the immemorial manner of the Noble Red Man, and smiled superciliously and contumeliously upon his lesser comrades. But Great Chief Mendosapants, his majestically stern and regally uncompromising face working in a spasm of perpendicular pain and horizontal horror -- not to mention his chewing gum (this was Pre-War time, remember) -- sprang hastily and longitudinally to his feet, and delivered himself of the greatest oration of his long career as a public orator and after-dinner speaker -- a speech of such uncompromising condemnation that it stands today as a classic of Indian uncompromising and condemnatory literature. "Ugh!" he ughed, "Ugh!" We didn't say it was GOOD, we said it was Science Fiction, and it really IS! NOTE: Further episodes of the search of this here, now, bozo, Archimedes Q. X. F. Loophole, will appear in future issues -- Oh, you lucky, lucky people! PLUG: More fascinating than the mysteries of Lemuria. Don't miss a word or a single chapter of these great tales!
Saving...
prev
next
reflexes and psychiatrical psychoses. Suffice it to say, that we met in the glade, this stranger and I; and as I stepped aside, courteously as is habitual with me, that he might pass unmolested and without discomfort along the narrow trail, I was over-whelmed by the great undulating waves of nausea that benumbed me as he did approach. Ugh! Heap much malodor! Heap big stink! Gentlemen, I give you my work, the chappie had BO!, but definitely! "Although, as I have just stated so clearly and succinctly, I was nearly overcome by that charnal stench, yet quickly I regained my usual composure, and un my most winning and dlucet tones, inquired sweetly, 'Hey, why the Hell don't you take a bath'? "A pained expression, as of deep shame, crossed the stranger's face at my apparent solicitude, and tears started from his booful blue eyes at the friendliness of my manner. Tremblingly he spoke, 'Tank youse kindly, Boss. Me take bath in Spring'. "Thus," Pete shrugged deprecatingly; "Thus, there was nothing else for me, as a conscientious citizen, to do -- I killed him with ninchalance, aplomb and surety, also with celerity and dispatch, not to mention my tomahawk." "But, my Deah Friend and Compatriot," perplexed the Medicine Man, perplexedly, "I still do not comprehend your motive." "Of a verity, Most Reverend Sir, it is most simple. Could I let him pollute the civic water supply of our very neat and tidy community, by bathing that filthy carcase in our spring?" And Pete, that Heap-Big-Jackass-Who-Has-Nothing-Whatsoever-In-His-Upper-Story, folded his magnificent arms across his manly chest in the immemorial manner of the Noble Red Man, and smiled superciliously and contumeliously upon his lesser comrades. But Great Chief Mendosapants, his majestically stern and regally uncompromising face working in a spasm of perpendicular pain and horizontal horror -- not to mention his chewing gum (this was Pre-War time, remember) -- sprang hastily and longitudinally to his feet, and delivered himself of the greatest oration of his long career as a public orator and after-dinner speaker -- a speech of such uncompromising condemnation that it stands today as a classic of Indian uncompromising and condemnatory literature. "Ugh!" he ughed, "Ugh!" We didn't say it was GOOD, we said it was Science Fiction, and it really IS! NOTE: Further episodes of the search of this here, now, bozo, Archimedes Q. X. F. Loophole, will appear in future issues -- Oh, you lucky, lucky people! PLUG: More fascinating than the mysteries of Lemuria. Don't miss a word or a single chapter of these great tales!
Hevelin Fanzines
sidebar
