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Imagination, v. 1, issue 7, whole no. 7, April 1938
Page 6
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LA Chapt, SFPlague! as described by Dr. Acula There is a cafeteria in "Lost Angels" that to the average onlooker is just another cafeteria. But I know the horrible hidden facts! The interior is deceptively decorated. Like a peaceful wooded glen it looks. Diabolicamouflage! for the 1st & 3d Thurs nites of every month unholy, satanic things happen there. . . I cannot escape the clutches of these fiends who might make me the main attraction of their next terrifying orgy. Now to relate their last petrifying program: On my arrival at the 3d flr of this accurst cafeteria I proceeded to the Brown Rm (the color of the members' skin). Approaching the entrance, blasphemous laughter could be plainly heard. I entered cautiously but was caught by the chief horror of this nice club, Gory Axerman. He was just finishing the leg of one of last meeting's visitors. Close on my heels came Frances Werechild, with a charming guest, Miss Flye. Gory spi-der at once, orderd his hairy henchman T. (Tarantula) Bruise Murky to invite the victim into his (Axy's) pallor--er, parlor. The nite before I had dreamt of being cross-questiond by streamlined lil scien-twist. I askt Freud Shroyer what this might mean & he interpreted it that I should be interviewed this nite by "Madge". I knew that meant I'd make a meal for the mems next meeting! Then the evil director, Cuss Hodgkins, demanded my dues or a cup of my blood. He took both. After that, Very Loose (Glendale's Public Bloodsucker #1 and hence the obvious choice for Club Sucker-tary) threatend to take me into the darkest crypts of the cafeteria if I made any corrections on the minutes. The next terror was that of Ray Bad-bury (the perpertrator, still at large, of that maddening manuscript "Yellbochen's Predicament", re-vampt--short for vampired--as "Hollerbochen's Dilemma"). About 1/2 hr later the door slowly opend & in slunk Dr Hackenkuttner, blood dripping from his lithpth. He explained he had just made a meal of a TWS fan who didnt like "Hollywood on Luna"--tch, tch! By the way, he has gone after plenty food since this story came out. The meeting now began & after the number of victims consumed by the members in the past 2 wks had been computed the evening's orgy began. Axerman & Hackenkuttner dragd 2 bawling brats into the rm & the rest the club (I was not included because they didn't want me to die of fright), herded into the black hallway. After shrill screams & loud lipsmacking the roster returned looking like the cat that ate the canary. Would that I could end this account by "April Fool" or "It was only a dream". But the "boys" of the blAck legion have been to see me & say that next meeting I must take The Test. Th Simplifyd Speling B! If I do not pass-- But MADNESS lies that way, to ponder the bloodfreezing fate that will befall me. I have only one hope. . . if I can remember . . . those 3 lines of Old French -- & wire them to Jules deGrading. What are they? Ah, yes: "Hinky dinky-- parlez-- vous!"
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LA Chapt, SFPlague! as described by Dr. Acula There is a cafeteria in "Lost Angels" that to the average onlooker is just another cafeteria. But I know the horrible hidden facts! The interior is deceptively decorated. Like a peaceful wooded glen it looks. Diabolicamouflage! for the 1st & 3d Thurs nites of every month unholy, satanic things happen there. . . I cannot escape the clutches of these fiends who might make me the main attraction of their next terrifying orgy. Now to relate their last petrifying program: On my arrival at the 3d flr of this accurst cafeteria I proceeded to the Brown Rm (the color of the members' skin). Approaching the entrance, blasphemous laughter could be plainly heard. I entered cautiously but was caught by the chief horror of this nice club, Gory Axerman. He was just finishing the leg of one of last meeting's visitors. Close on my heels came Frances Werechild, with a charming guest, Miss Flye. Gory spi-der at once, orderd his hairy henchman T. (Tarantula) Bruise Murky to invite the victim into his (Axy's) pallor--er, parlor. The nite before I had dreamt of being cross-questiond by streamlined lil scien-twist. I askt Freud Shroyer what this might mean & he interpreted it that I should be interviewed this nite by "Madge". I knew that meant I'd make a meal for the mems next meeting! Then the evil director, Cuss Hodgkins, demanded my dues or a cup of my blood. He took both. After that, Very Loose (Glendale's Public Bloodsucker #1 and hence the obvious choice for Club Sucker-tary) threatend to take me into the darkest crypts of the cafeteria if I made any corrections on the minutes. The next terror was that of Ray Bad-bury (the perpertrator, still at large, of that maddening manuscript "Yellbochen's Predicament", re-vampt--short for vampired--as "Hollerbochen's Dilemma"). About 1/2 hr later the door slowly opend & in slunk Dr Hackenkuttner, blood dripping from his lithpth. He explained he had just made a meal of a TWS fan who didnt like "Hollywood on Luna"--tch, tch! By the way, he has gone after plenty food since this story came out. The meeting now began & after the number of victims consumed by the members in the past 2 wks had been computed the evening's orgy began. Axerman & Hackenkuttner dragd 2 bawling brats into the rm & the rest the club (I was not included because they didn't want me to die of fright), herded into the black hallway. After shrill screams & loud lipsmacking the roster returned looking like the cat that ate the canary. Would that I could end this account by "April Fool" or "It was only a dream". But the "boys" of the blAck legion have been to see me & say that next meeting I must take The Test. Th Simplifyd Speling B! If I do not pass-- But MADNESS lies that way, to ponder the bloodfreezing fate that will befall me. I have only one hope. . . if I can remember . . . those 3 lines of Old French -- & wire them to Jules deGrading. What are they? Ah, yes: "Hinky dinky-- parlez-- vous!"
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