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Fan-Atic, v. 1, issue 1, January 1941

Page 7

Fan-atic, Vol 1, No 1.  January 1941  Page 7

FEET STANKS.
by HELLvin BENT (delagaetz)
Feet Stanks, popular time-tramp; came roller-skating down the broad halls of the Umpire State Building, careened through the door of Dr. Horatio Slayhim, forgetting all about that incidental called the door-knob. Brushing off the slivers of glass, he skated through the waiting room, stumbled over the door-sill, and landed flush on his kisser, which was no beautiful sight as it was, in front of the Doctor. Slayhim was doing his daily exercises. Standing on his head, drinking scotch-and-sodas on every fourth count. One, two, three, four—-gulp—and 1/2, etc. "Say," quizzed Stanks, the original quiz kid, "what's the 1/2 for?"
    "That my dear boy, is the chaser!" answered the Doctor, returning to a standing position. Replacing his toupee, which had remained on the floor, he stepped forward, slipped on a sliver of glass, and ended up out in the hall. Slapping his toupee on his head with a violent gesture, he stomped back into the office. Feet was doubled up in spasms of laughter, which increased at the sight of the Doctor. "Whatcha laughin' at?" growled the irate Doc.
     "My dear Doctor, you've just placed a scatter rug on your cranium," Stanks informed him.
     "Well, well, so I did!" exclaimed Slayhim, rushing to a mirror. "Cute, isn't it?"
     "On you it looks nice," agreed Feet,    (dated 1904)
     Going to the closet for a vacuum cleaner to cleanse his new found cranium cover, which was just covered with dust; he exclaimed "lsn't this the dirtiest story?" While he was doing this Stanks began the project of removing his monstrous skates. When these steel leviathans were purchased, it was rumored that US Steel went up 20 points! Don't take our word for it however, it's only hearsay
after all.
     "Did you come up here for any special reason?" quizzed Slayhlm, another of those darned quiz kids. (Wow! do they get around!) "Or did you just come to make a pest of yourself as usual?"
     Feet hardly heard the question since he was busy removing one of his stockings. He wore five on each foot, one on each toe. (Whata man!) His shoes were midget racing cars with the wheels removed. It was said that if Stanks were ever shot he would not be carried out feet first since it would be easier to wheel him out standing up, Or better yet, just dissect him. (You know, piece by piece.)
     The Doctor, replacing the vacuum cleaner in the closet, repeated his question, emphasizing it with a sharp blow on the back of Feet's head, which sent the latter's eyeballs two feet out of their sockets. They snapped back with a violent Bwanng! Shaking his head like a cocktail shaker (Feet was an expert at
this) Stanks opened his mouth to reply, but this was interrupted by a bright light
that flashed on and off between his mis-spaced teeth.
     "Feet," asked the Doctor, coming closer, "are you carrying a neon sign in your mouth?"
     "That's what I came to see you about," snapped the jerk; while the light flashed spasmodically, looking a lot like an SOS signal., "I have a flashlight caught in my throat. Every time my Adam's Apple moves up, the light switches on; and every time it goes down, off goes the light. The worst thing is that the electric company is after me for not paying my bill." (Gruesome, isn't it?)
     "In you it looks nice," smiled the doctor. (Also dated 1904.) "Come over here and flash that searching grin of yours around the bureau. I've lost my collar button." Hurrying over to help, Stanks jammed his left foot between two pieces of apparatus, and upon leaning over to free it, stuck his head in a large beaker. There he was; a flashlight in his throat, his foot caught and his head trapped.

Continued next issue. Read and find out if Feet Stanks will free himself. What does he want? Will he ever get to the point of his visit, or has it a point? Read and find out.     Next issue out March 1st, price is 5 cents. See back page.

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Fan-atic, Vol 1, No 1. January 1941 Page 7 FEET STANKS. by HELLvin BENT (delagaetz) Feet Stanks, popular time-tramp; came roller-skating down the broad halls of the Umpire State Building, careened through the door of Dr. Horatio Slayhim, forgetting all about that incidental called the door-knob. Brushing off the slivers of glass, he skated through the waiting room, stumbled over the door-sill, and landed flush on his kisser, which was no beautiful sight as it was, in front of the Doctor. Slayhim was doing his daily exercises. Standing on his head, drinking scotch-and-sodas on every fourth count. One, two, three, four—-gulp—and 1/2, etc. "Say," quizzed Stanks, the original quiz kid, "what's the 1/2 for?" "That my dear boy, is the chaser!" answered the Doctor, returning to a standing position. Replacing his toupee, which had remained on the floor, he stepped forward, slipped on a sliver of glass, and ended up out in the hall. Slapping his toupee on his head with a violent gesture, he stomped back into the office. Feet was doubled up in spasms of laughter, which increased at the sight of the Doctor. "Whatcha laughin' at?" growled the irate Doc. "My dear Doctor, you've just placed a scatter rug on your cranium," Stanks informed him. "Well, well, so I did!" exclaimed Slayhim, rushing to a mirror. "Cute, isn't it?" "On you it looks nice," agreed Feet, (dated 1904) Going to the closet for a vacuum cleaner to cleanse his new found cranium cover, which was just covered with dust; he exclaimed "lsn't this the dirtiest story?" While he was doing this Stanks began the project of removing his monstrous skates. When these steel leviathans were purchased, it was rumored that US Steel went up 20 points! Don't take our word for it however, it's only hearsay after all. "Did you come up here for any special reason?" quizzed Slayhlm, another of those darned quiz kids. (Wow! do they get around!) "Or did you just come to make a pest of yourself as usual?" Feet hardly heard the question since he was busy removing one of his stockings. He wore five on each foot, one on each toe. (Whata man!) His shoes were midget racing cars with the wheels removed. It was said that if Stanks were ever shot he would not be carried out feet first since it would be easier to wheel him out standing up, Or better yet, just dissect him. (You know, piece by piece.) The Doctor, replacing the vacuum cleaner in the closet, repeated his question, emphasizing it with a sharp blow on the back of Feet's head, which sent the latter's eyeballs two feet out of their sockets. They snapped back with a violent Bwanng! Shaking his head like a cocktail shaker (Feet was an expert at this) Stanks opened his mouth to reply, but this was interrupted by a bright light that flashed on and off between his mis-spaced teeth. "Feet," asked the Doctor, coming closer, "are you carrying a neon sign in your mouth?" "That's what I came to see you about," snapped the jerk; while the light flashed spasmodically, looking a lot like an SOS signal., "I have a flashlight caught in my throat. Every time my Adam's Apple moves up, the light switches on; and every time it goes down, off goes the light. The worst thing is that the electric company is after me for not paying my bill." (Gruesome, isn't it?) "In you it looks nice," smiled the doctor. (Also dated 1904.) "Come over here and flash that searching grin of yours around the bureau. I've lost my collar button." Hurrying over to help, Stanks jammed his left foot between two pieces of apparatus, and upon leaning over to free it, stuck his head in a large beaker. There he was; a flashlight in his throat, his foot caught and his head trapped. Continued next issue. Read and find out if Feet Stanks will free himself. What does he want? Will he ever get to the point of his visit, or has it a point? Read and find out. Next issue out March 1st, price is 5 cents. See back page.