DIY History | Transcribe | Hevelin Fanzines | Infinite, v. 1, issue 1, [1941?]

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Infinite, v. 1, issue 1, [1941?]

Page 19

the motors begin to purr, and a second later Willie wavered and fell flat on his face with a resounding clang. Jim immediately began yelling his lungs out. I couldn't see why and told him so.
         "Can't you see?" he howled.
         "All I can see is Willie kicking around on the floor," I said, "So what?"
        "So what? Why he works!
        "Look," I said, "the strains been to much for you. You'd better go home and get some rest."
       "Idiot!" he fairly screeched, "Willies just the same as a baby, and a baby--"
        I saw everything then. Well, almost everything. I couldn't quite picture Willie as a bouncing baby.
        We finally opened Willie's switch and put him away, and then we went to the library and got a book on "The Care and Feeding of Babies". After that we got drunk.
        The next night both of us, graced with splitting headaches, started in on Willie. He must have been much more receptive than the normal human, for in a couple of months he had the intelligence of about an eight year old child. However, try as we would we couldn't get him any farther. Jim said his brain must have reached the "saturation point."
      Jim then decided that it was time to start Willie's practical education, and despite his wife's protests he took Willie home with him and started him on household tasks. Except for an occasional broken chair or a hole where he tried to walk right through the wall, everything was fine. Willie was apparently satisfied, Jim was satisfied, and I was satisfied. But fate is cruel, and Willie was soon passed of on me.
       Jim got a job in South America, and not wishing to take Willie along, left him with me. I thought Willie didn't like me very much, because he continually burned the steak, gave me hardboiled instead of softboiled eggs, and served scalding hot coffe, which reminded me of dishwater more than anything else. However, when I noticed that I had to replace Willie's batteries every morning, I began to suspect that there was some other reason. When I saw two small items in the paper, one about Proffesor Bum garten, "recently of Vienna," and the other about a man, supposedly drunk, who was frantically claiming to have seen two "big, iron monsters" going down the street together, my suspicions were put on a soundd basis.
         Next morning I called up the prof., and after giving him a somewhat garbled account of what I thought was going on, begged him to come over. He consented, and came over at about two, bringing his robot with him. I didn't think of the danger in that, and we went into the next room, leaving the two robots together. When I happened to think of it, I dashed out as fast as I could. I was too late; they were gone.
         When the prof. discovered what was wrong, he grabbed his hat and coat and dashed out of the house. "Stay right dere!" he yelled, "I vill be back as soon as I find dem!"
        By the time the prof. got back I had worn a circular path in the living room carpet, and was I worried! Everything seemed to be all right, however, for he had book at Willie and leaped up with a yell. Willie was wearing a somewhat ripped and bedraggled fur coat, and where his mouth would have been if he had had a mouth was a red smear of lipstick. I coudn't say anything, but just pointed.
        "Oh," said the prof.," before I reached dem dey had entered a store and - ah - appropriated dese tings, "he indicated the fur coat and smear of lipstick.
          "But why should he ---"
          "You mean vy should she vant dem? Vell, I suppose it iss because she ---"
         "She!" I exclaimed, "She?"
         "Certainly," said the prof., "Didn't you know? Villie iss a lady!"
         That was too much! I didn't give him time to finish his explanation, but ushered him out in a hurry, then went over and opened Willie's switch. A few days later Willie was on his -- I mean her -- way to South America. I haven't heard about her since."

       I saw that he had finished, an hopefully started to speak, "But you really can't."
       "Nope," he said, cutting me short, "No robots! and this time he got the door shut.

                        - 19 -

Saving...

the motors begin to purr, and a second later Willie wavered and fell flat on his face with a resounding clang. Jim immediately began yelling his lungs out. I couldn't see why and told him so. "Can't you see?" he howled. "All I can see is Willie kicking around on the floor," I said, "So what?" "So what? Why he works! "Look," I said, "the strains been to much for you. You'd better go home and get some rest." "Idiot!" he fairly screeched, "Willies just the same as a baby, and a baby--" I saw everything then. Well, almost everything. I couldn't quite picture Willie as a bouncing baby. We finally opened Willie's switch and put him away, and then we went to the library and got a book on "The Care and Feeding of Babies". After that we got drunk. The next night both of us, graced with splitting headaches, started in on Willie. He must have been much more receptive than the normal human, for in a couple of months he had the intelligence of about an eight year old child. However, try as we would we couldn't get him any farther. Jim said his brain must have reached the "saturation point." Jim then decided that it was time to start Willie's practical education, and despite his wife's protests he took Willie home with him and started him on household tasks. Except for an occasional broken chair or a hole where he tried to walk right through the wall, everything was fine. Willie was apparently satisfied, Jim was satisfied, and I was satisfied. But fate is cruel, and Willie was soon passed of on me. Jim got a job in South America, and not wishing to take Willie along, left him with me. I thought Willie didn't like me very much, because he continually burned the steak, gave me hardboiled instead of softboiled eggs, and served scalding hot coffe, which reminded me of dishwater more than anything else. However, when I noticed that I had to replace Willie's batteries every morning, I began to suspect that there was some other reason. When I saw two small items in the paper, one about Proffesor Bum garten, "recently of Vienna," and the other about a man, supposedly drunk, who was frantically claiming to have seen two "big, iron monsters" going down the street together, my suspicions were put on a soundd basis. Next morning I called up the prof., and after giving him a somewhat garbled account of what I thought was going on, begged him to come over. He consented, and came over at about two, bringing his robot with him. I didn't think of the danger in that, and we went into the next room, leaving the two robots together. When I happened to think of it, I dashed out as fast as I could. I was too late; they were gone. When the prof. discovered what was wrong, he grabbed his hat and coat and dashed out of the house. "Stay right dere!" he yelled, "I vill be back as soon as I find dem!" By the time the prof. got back I had worn a circular path in the living room carpet, and was I worried! Everything seemed to be all right, however, for he had book at Willie and leaped up with a yell. Willie was wearing a somewhat ripped and bedraggled fur coat, and where his mouth would have been if he had had a mouth was a red smear of lipstick. I coudn't say anything, but just pointed. "Oh," said the prof.," before I reached dem dey had entered a store and - ah - appropriated dese tings, "he indicated the fur coat and smear of lipstick. "But why should he ---" "You mean vy should she vant dem? Vell, I suppose it iss because she ---" "She!" I exclaimed, "She?" "Certainly," said the prof., "Didn't you know? Villie iss a lady!" That was too much! I didn't give him time to finish his explanation, but ushered him out in a hurry, then went over and opened Willie's switch. A few days later Willie was on his -- I mean her -- way to South America. I haven't heard about her since." I saw that he had finished, an hopefully started to speak, "But you really can't." "Nope," he said, cutting me short, "No robots! and this time he got the door shut. - 19 -