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Kay-Mar Trader, v. 2, issue 3, May 1947
Page 7
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THE ROAD TO MARS -- ON THE LEVEL! By Redd Boggs Want to go to Mars? Okay -- let's go! No, I haven't built a spaceship in my garage, and I haven't got a von Krockmeier hyperspace lever up my sleeve. Who needs such gadgets? Just get your overcoat and ear-muffs and put on that pair of combat boots you brought home from the infantry. We've got some walking to do, and it might be across icy, stormy terrain -- but don't worry about spacesuits and oxygen helmets. At all times during our hike we will meet the same physical conditions that we would meet on a trip from Rockland, Maine, to South Gate, California -- land, ice, water -- but no hard vacuum anywhere. Which way do we go? Either in a straight northerly or southerly direction. To the arctic or the antarctic region. From each of these places there is a direct land route to Mars, Venus, Proxima Centauri, or even the Second Galaxy! We can journey to any part of the universe from the polar areas -- because every part of the cosmos lies straight ahead from the arctic or the anarctic regions... Mr. Farnsworth, put down that disintegrator! I haven't been hitting the thionite supply, and I am not crazy. Inferring that the Hagerstown Ladies Saturday Hiking and Hot-dog Club will beat the U. S. Rocket Society to Mars wasn't my idea. I was merely stating the considered opinion of Mr. Francis A. Giannini, Massachusetts-born philosopher, whose "fantastic" conceptions of the universe, formed over a period of twenty years, make astronomers snort, "Ridiculous!" but provide interesting reading whenever he expounds his theories in the public prints. Mr. Giannini's latest press appearance was an article printed under his own by-line which occupied three or four columns in the Sunday sheets a few weeks ago. Here in his own words is the nucleus of his unique theory: "We cannot shoot up to Mars! And the Martians, for such entities do exist, can never hope to shoot to the earth. No shooting is necessary...The universe in its entirety, including this earth we live on, may be conceived as an enormous doughnut or rim of a wheel...Regardless of where the earth is located -- whether at the top of the wheel, at the bottom, or at the center of either side -- one who occupies that earth section will see the 'heavens above' in whatever direction he may look..." The continuation of the "wheel" of which Earth is part occurs at the poles, according to Giannini. A journey into the unexplored territory of the arctic or Antarctic will lead one to every "so-called star, planet, asteroid and fanciful blotch of distant nebulae"! Well, don't stand there making like a fish. Ask the professor some pertinent questions... But, Mr. Giannini, what of the explorations of Admiral Byrd and Sir Hubert Wilkins? Both of them flew over the pole and they saw no such land forms as you describe. What about this, Mr. Giannini? (Concluded on next page)
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THE ROAD TO MARS -- ON THE LEVEL! By Redd Boggs Want to go to Mars? Okay -- let's go! No, I haven't built a spaceship in my garage, and I haven't got a von Krockmeier hyperspace lever up my sleeve. Who needs such gadgets? Just get your overcoat and ear-muffs and put on that pair of combat boots you brought home from the infantry. We've got some walking to do, and it might be across icy, stormy terrain -- but don't worry about spacesuits and oxygen helmets. At all times during our hike we will meet the same physical conditions that we would meet on a trip from Rockland, Maine, to South Gate, California -- land, ice, water -- but no hard vacuum anywhere. Which way do we go? Either in a straight northerly or southerly direction. To the arctic or the antarctic region. From each of these places there is a direct land route to Mars, Venus, Proxima Centauri, or even the Second Galaxy! We can journey to any part of the universe from the polar areas -- because every part of the cosmos lies straight ahead from the arctic or the anarctic regions... Mr. Farnsworth, put down that disintegrator! I haven't been hitting the thionite supply, and I am not crazy. Inferring that the Hagerstown Ladies Saturday Hiking and Hot-dog Club will beat the U. S. Rocket Society to Mars wasn't my idea. I was merely stating the considered opinion of Mr. Francis A. Giannini, Massachusetts-born philosopher, whose "fantastic" conceptions of the universe, formed over a period of twenty years, make astronomers snort, "Ridiculous!" but provide interesting reading whenever he expounds his theories in the public prints. Mr. Giannini's latest press appearance was an article printed under his own by-line which occupied three or four columns in the Sunday sheets a few weeks ago. Here in his own words is the nucleus of his unique theory: "We cannot shoot up to Mars! And the Martians, for such entities do exist, can never hope to shoot to the earth. No shooting is necessary...The universe in its entirety, including this earth we live on, may be conceived as an enormous doughnut or rim of a wheel...Regardless of where the earth is located -- whether at the top of the wheel, at the bottom, or at the center of either side -- one who occupies that earth section will see the 'heavens above' in whatever direction he may look..." The continuation of the "wheel" of which Earth is part occurs at the poles, according to Giannini. A journey into the unexplored territory of the arctic or Antarctic will lead one to every "so-called star, planet, asteroid and fanciful blotch of distant nebulae"! Well, don't stand there making like a fish. Ask the professor some pertinent questions... But, Mr. Giannini, what of the explorations of Admiral Byrd and Sir Hubert Wilkins? Both of them flew over the pole and they saw no such land forms as you describe. What about this, Mr. Giannini? (Concluded on next page)
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