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Stefantasy, v. 5, issue 2, June 1949

Page 7

don't and except for the existence of minutes you wouldn't have to.)
You may argue that without seconds it would be impossible to have horse-races. This is just silly; even without days and years, which are obviously inevitable, horse-racing would be perfectly possible, provided only that there were horses. In a horse-race the horse that crosses the finish-line first wins, time or no time. If you can think of any other supposed uses for seconds just let me know and I'll be glad to show you how wiong you are.
It is perfectly evident, then, that the only units of time we really need are years and days (and, maybe, hours.) Therefore a calendar, however simple it may be, is entirely unnecessary and should be abolished. but there are certain to be some who will object that this would never do, since without a calendar there can be no history.
Well, now! I'd like to see a show of hands from those of you who would regret the passing history. . . Ah-- you there in the back row. Answer this for me, please. What is history but a bunch of days, months and years that serve no purpose but the dubious ones of annoying school-children and serving as excuses for a lot of highly unnecessary celebrations/ What good is it? What has it ever done to advance the human race, which never learns a thing ftom its past mistakes? We go on, year after year, celebrating various dates in various ways long after we have forgotten the occasions for the celebrations or their significance if they ever had any. We go on, year after year, making innocent children memorize a lot of useless dates which they very sensibly proceed to forget as promptly as possible.
Personally, I can remember three dates--- 1492, 1775 (or is it 1776? I can never be sure) and--see? I forget the third one. I can never remember anything about Columbus but the year and July 4th is just the day when, as a boy, I used to help make life miserable for older people and dogs. Nowadays, of course, we have the "safe and sane" Fourth on which people, instead of staying home all day and getting badly burned and maybe killed, drive out on the highways in droves to get badly maimed and maybe killed.
Of course I can remember December 25th but I don't know whether the year that goes with it is 0 or 1. The one certain thing about this date is that it's a fine thing for merchants and advertising agencies, though everyone else (except children, who remember this one date without urging) would be glad to forget it.
In general the celebration of past military events merely stirs up memories that would be better forgotten while the celebration of past religious events provides a field-day for shop-keepers. So I'm afraid you'd have a pretty hard time convincing me that history is any excuse for having a calendar.
Of conrse, all this elimination would

JUNE, 1949     7

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don't and except for the existence of minutes you wouldn't have to.) You may argue that without seconds it would be impossible to have horse-races. This is just silly; even without days and years, which are obviously inevitable, horse-racing would be perfectly possible, provided only that there were horses. In a horse-race the horse that crosses the finish-line first wins, time or no time. If you can think of any other supposed uses for seconds just let me know and I'll be glad to show you how wiong you are. It is perfectly evident, then, that the only units of time we really need are years and days (and, maybe, hours.) Therefore a calendar, however simple it may be, is entirely unnecessary and should be abolished. but there are certain to be some who will object that this would never do, since without a calendar there can be no history. Well, now! I'd like to see a show of hands from those of you who would regret the passing history. . . Ah-- you there in the back row. Answer this for me, please. What is history but a bunch of days, months and years that serve no purpose but the dubious ones of annoying school-children and serving as excuses for a lot of highly unnecessary celebrations/ What good is it? What has it ever done to advance the human race, which never learns a thing ftom its past mistakes? We go on, year after year, celebrating various dates in various ways long after we have forgotten the occasions for the celebrations or their significance if they ever had any. We go on, year after year, making innocent children memorize a lot of useless dates which they very sensibly proceed to forget as promptly as possible. Personally, I can remember three dates--- 1492, 1775 (or is it 1776? I can never be sure) and--see? I forget the third one. I can never remember anything about Columbus but the year and July 4th is just the day when, as a boy, I used to help make life miserable for older people and dogs. Nowadays, of course, we have the "safe and sane" Fourth on which people, instead of staying home all day and getting badly burned and maybe killed, drive out on the highways in droves to get badly maimed and maybe killed. Of course I can remember December 25th but I don't know whether the year that goes with it is 0 or 1. The one certain thing about this date is that it's a fine thing for merchants and advertising agencies, though everyone else (except children, who remember this one date without urging) would be glad to forget it. In general the celebration of past military events merely stirs up memories that would be better forgotten while the celebration of past religious events provides a field-day for shop-keepers. So I'm afraid you'd have a pretty hard time convincing me that history is any excuse for having a calendar. Of conrse, all this elimination would JUNE, 1949 7