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Agenbite of Inwit, whole no. 4, Spring 1944
Page 16
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Agenbite of Inwit -- Spring, 1944 -- Page Sixteen ********************************** (The outraged population of Futuria is just about to hang Seven-Year Willie from the rafters of the Green Guna, when a shot from unseen quarters splits the rope, and Willie falls on his own knife. "C'mon," says Killer Kubilius to Cornhole Colcord, "we're goin' tuh get thuh dirty coyote who spoiled our hangin'." "But who done it?" asks Cornhole. Kubilius snorts: "Use yore head, Cornhole; who but Drygulch Doc?") "DANG IT," muttered Two-Bit Hahn, the town drunk, "dang it all anyhow. Somebody's allus spoilin' a bit o' fun." He leaned gracefully against the bar, which was only a few yards away, and fell face-first into the bowl of custard Billiards Bok was slurping happily. Over at a nearby table, another poker game was in progress. Stupe Studley was peering myopically at his cards, sitting underneath the sign which read Yore Hand is What Yuh Call It and Only One Lollapaloozer a Night, Gents. Studley perfect poker face showed everyone in the house that Stupe had a good hand. "I'll see that two cents there, n' raise yuh a nickle," he glommed. "Stupe's runnin' wild tonight," commented Mexican Maria. "He's already got a full quarter in thuh game." "Musta had a windfall," said Slant-Eyed Peri, who had by now wiped the tobacco juice out of her eyes, and was keeping watch on the entrance for the time Killer Kubilius would return. "He's been actin' prosperous fer thuh last week now," added Queenie Cohen, as she winked at Long-Ears Martin over in a corner. "He bought me a chocolate soda las' night." "Gee," broke in Chameleon Mary, running her hand through violent purple hair (it had been green the night before; Mary said that the rannies like variety in a gal, just like a gal likes a variety of men), "I ain't seen a gent with that much money, since Cornhole got three bucks fer his herd from that city pilgrim." Billiards Bok looked up from his custard, carefully extracting a fleck or two of dandruff from Two-Bit Hahn's emergence therein, "Yipe! Three bucks fer Cornhole's starved critters! Was thuh pilgrim blind as well as bein' deaf N dumb?" Slant-Eye Peri laughed. "Nope, it happened like this. Cornhole invited T-T-Thompson tuh come aroun' tuh his ranch fer a spell. Got him out on the range, with all them critters there with their mouths hangin' open from hunger. Wal, T-T-Thompson started on his usual talk-fest, an' by thuh time that there pilgrim showed up in thuh afternoon, they was all so full o' hot air that they jes naturally looked like normal cows." A roar of laughter greeted this tale, then the girls' attention centered on the poker game, where unheard-of sums would shortly be exchanged. Studley's phenomenal raise of a nickel still lay in the center of thuh table. Then, directly across from the gambling rannie, Heathen Chinee Tucker was shoving a stack of chips forward. "I'll see yuh." The others quickly dropped, and Studley laid down his cards face up, spreading out to the gaze of all three kings, a deuce, and a jack. "Deuces wild, yuh know," he gibbered. "I gotta full house." For an instant stark silence reigned, then the air was split with a maniac yell from Two-Bit Hahn. "Deuces wild!" he screamed, tearing his hair. "He got three kings and a deuce -- and he calls it a full house." Stupe looked at him blankly, then a faint glimmer came into Studley's eyes. "Yuh mean --?"
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Agenbite of Inwit -- Spring, 1944 -- Page Sixteen ********************************** (The outraged population of Futuria is just about to hang Seven-Year Willie from the rafters of the Green Guna, when a shot from unseen quarters splits the rope, and Willie falls on his own knife. "C'mon," says Killer Kubilius to Cornhole Colcord, "we're goin' tuh get thuh dirty coyote who spoiled our hangin'." "But who done it?" asks Cornhole. Kubilius snorts: "Use yore head, Cornhole; who but Drygulch Doc?") "DANG IT," muttered Two-Bit Hahn, the town drunk, "dang it all anyhow. Somebody's allus spoilin' a bit o' fun." He leaned gracefully against the bar, which was only a few yards away, and fell face-first into the bowl of custard Billiards Bok was slurping happily. Over at a nearby table, another poker game was in progress. Stupe Studley was peering myopically at his cards, sitting underneath the sign which read Yore Hand is What Yuh Call It and Only One Lollapaloozer a Night, Gents. Studley perfect poker face showed everyone in the house that Stupe had a good hand. "I'll see that two cents there, n' raise yuh a nickle," he glommed. "Stupe's runnin' wild tonight," commented Mexican Maria. "He's already got a full quarter in thuh game." "Musta had a windfall," said Slant-Eyed Peri, who had by now wiped the tobacco juice out of her eyes, and was keeping watch on the entrance for the time Killer Kubilius would return. "He's been actin' prosperous fer thuh last week now," added Queenie Cohen, as she winked at Long-Ears Martin over in a corner. "He bought me a chocolate soda las' night." "Gee," broke in Chameleon Mary, running her hand through violent purple hair (it had been green the night before; Mary said that the rannies like variety in a gal, just like a gal likes a variety of men), "I ain't seen a gent with that much money, since Cornhole got three bucks fer his herd from that city pilgrim." Billiards Bok looked up from his custard, carefully extracting a fleck or two of dandruff from Two-Bit Hahn's emergence therein, "Yipe! Three bucks fer Cornhole's starved critters! Was thuh pilgrim blind as well as bein' deaf N dumb?" Slant-Eye Peri laughed. "Nope, it happened like this. Cornhole invited T-T-Thompson tuh come aroun' tuh his ranch fer a spell. Got him out on the range, with all them critters there with their mouths hangin' open from hunger. Wal, T-T-Thompson started on his usual talk-fest, an' by thuh time that there pilgrim showed up in thuh afternoon, they was all so full o' hot air that they jes naturally looked like normal cows." A roar of laughter greeted this tale, then the girls' attention centered on the poker game, where unheard-of sums would shortly be exchanged. Studley's phenomenal raise of a nickel still lay in the center of thuh table. Then, directly across from the gambling rannie, Heathen Chinee Tucker was shoving a stack of chips forward. "I'll see yuh." The others quickly dropped, and Studley laid down his cards face up, spreading out to the gaze of all three kings, a deuce, and a jack. "Deuces wild, yuh know," he gibbered. "I gotta full house." For an instant stark silence reigned, then the air was split with a maniac yell from Two-Bit Hahn. "Deuces wild!" he screamed, tearing his hair. "He got three kings and a deuce -- and he calls it a full house." Stupe looked at him blankly, then a faint glimmer came into Studley's eyes. "Yuh mean --?"
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