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Agenbite of Inwit, whole no. 4, Spring 1944

Page 17

"No good," interrupted Heathen Chinee Tucker, showing his hand. "I got four threes."

"Yuh mean," finished Studley, "that I got four kings? Thass right -- so I have. I win, Tucker."

Heathen Chinee Tucker shook his pigtail. "Nope. Your hand is what yuh call it -- lessen it's not as much as that. Yuh said yuh got a full house, so that's what yuh got there. An' four of a kind beats a full house." He raked in Studley's chips.

"This is too much!" Two-Bit Hahn shrieked, wiping a dab of custard from his eyebrows, "it's a disgrace tuh hibest card-playin', it is!"

"Hang im!" yelled Long-Ears Martin.

A rumble of assent greeted this suggestion, and Stups was quickly lifted out of his seat, his arms tied behind him. Two-Bit Hahn made a noose and looped it around Studley's neck.

Just then Slant-Eyed Peri looked up from the checker game she'd been kibitzing on and gasped, then ran over to Queen Cohen and whispered in her ear. "What!" shrieked Queenie in a voice that was half unbelief and half joy. "Yes," said Slant-Eye, nodding vigorously.

Queenie Cohen rose to her full height and drew a derringer from her bosom. "Hold it, gents," she announced authoritatively. "We ain't hangin' this hombre yet -- bit o' scientifik investigatin' tuh be done." 

"Now, Queenie," protested Two-Bit. "Yuh ain't goin' tuh interfere with our hangin'. Cripes we gotta hang someone!"

"First hombre moves tuh kick that table out from beneath Stupes goin' tuh get lead in thuh gullet," hissed Queenie Cohen. "Find someone else tuh hang." Sge glared at Hahn. "An' if'n I hear another peep outa yuh, Two-Bit, yore credit at thuh Green Guna is cut off cold!"

"Queenie," groaned a bespectacled gent in a frock coat, mooning over an alligator pear, "must you sibiliate?"

"Sorry, Prof," she replied, smiling at King's English Koenig, who was earning his keep at the Green Guna by tutoring the girls under Queenie's direction. "Sort o' forgot myself." She signaled the others and Mexican Maria and Slant-Eyed Peri quickly untied the still dazed Studley, helping him down from the table.

"Gee," he said, "I had four kings."

Queenie and the others beamed at him. "Come on, cowboy," she said, taking his arm, "we gals got a hankerin' tuh engage yuh in a bit o' cribbage." The party left in the direction of the cribs.

"THE WAY I see it, gents," stated Two-Bit Hahn, looking around to see that Queenie and the girls were out of earshot, "we jus grab thuh first hombre tuh come through them there doors an' string 'im up without any fuss." He glared at King's English Koenig. "See anythin' wrong with that, Prof?"

"I must say," responded that worthy, "that at last you have hit upon an honest evaluation of your motives. Cold-blooded lynching is still murder, but it sits far more easily upon my conscience than the atrocities perpetuated in these parts under the name of law and order."

"What's he sayin'?" asked Billiards Bok, looking up from  a still-life (or rather, still death) drawing of Seven Year Willie he was just about to transfer from the table to the tablecloth.

"He thinks it's a good ideer."

"Yippee!" gleeped Bok. "Jus thuh thing fer my next exhibit." He looked around him. "A hangin' is just what I needed. An' that reminds me -- I'm plumb thirsty."

Long-Ears Martin snickered. "This is goin' tuh be fun," he said to Heathen Chinee Tucker. "While we're waitin' for thuh victim, One-Beer Kornbluth jus' got a new bartender." The assembled rannies and ranch-

Saving...

"No good," interrupted Heathen Chinee Tucker, showing his hand. "I got four threes." "Yuh mean," finished Studley, "that I got four kings? Thass right -- so I have. I win, Tucker." Heathen Chinee Tucker shook his pigtail. "Nope. Your hand is what yuh call it -- lessen it's not as much as that. Yuh said yuh got a full house, so that's what yuh got there. An' four of a kind beats a full house." He raked in Studley's chips. "This is too much!" Two-Bit Hahn shrieked, wiping a dab of custard from his eyebrows, "it's a disgrace tuh hibest card-playin', it is!" "Hang im!" yelled Long-Ears Martin. A rumble of assent greeted this suggestion, and Stups was quickly lifted out of his seat, his arms tied behind him. Two-Bit Hahn made a noose and looped it around Studley's neck. Just then Slant-Eyed Peri looked up from the checker game she'd been kibitzing on and gasped, then ran over to Queen Cohen and whispered in her ear. "What!" shrieked Queenie in a voice that was half unbelief and half joy. "Yes," said Slant-Eye, nodding vigorously. Queenie Cohen rose to her full height and drew a derringer from her bosom. "Hold it, gents," she announced authoritatively. "We ain't hangin' this hombre yet -- bit o' scientifik investigatin' tuh be done." "Now, Queenie," protested Two-Bit. "Yuh ain't goin' tuh interfere with our hangin'. Cripes we gotta hang someone!" "First hombre moves tuh kick that table out from beneath Stupes goin' tuh get lead in thuh gullet," hissed Queenie Cohen. "Find someone else tuh hang." Sge glared at Hahn. "An' if'n I hear another peep outa yuh, Two-Bit, yore credit at thuh Green Guna is cut off cold!" "Queenie," groaned a bespectacled gent in a frock coat, mooning over an alligator pear, "must you sibiliate?" "Sorry, Prof," she replied, smiling at King's English Koenig, who was earning his keep at the Green Guna by tutoring the girls under Queenie's direction. "Sort o' forgot myself." She signaled the others and Mexican Maria and Slant-Eyed Peri quickly untied the still dazed Studley, helping him down from the table. "Gee," he said, "I had four kings." Queenie and the others beamed at him. "Come on, cowboy," she said, taking his arm, "we gals got a hankerin' tuh engage yuh in a bit o' cribbage." The party left in the direction of the cribs. "THE WAY I see it, gents," stated Two-Bit Hahn, looking around to see that Queenie and the girls were out of earshot, "we jus grab thuh first hombre tuh come through them there doors an' string 'im up without any fuss." He glared at King's English Koenig. "See anythin' wrong with that, Prof?" "I must say," responded that worthy, "that at last you have hit upon an honest evaluation of your motives. Cold-blooded lynching is still murder, but it sits far more easily upon my conscience than the atrocities perpetuated in these parts under the name of law and order." "What's he sayin'?" asked Billiards Bok, looking up from a still-life (or rather, still death) drawing of Seven Year Willie he was just about to transfer from the table to the tablecloth. "He thinks it's a good ideer." "Yippee!" gleeped Bok. "Jus thuh thing fer my next exhibit." He looked around him. "A hangin' is just what I needed. An' that reminds me -- I'm plumb thirsty." Long-Ears Martin snickered. "This is goin' tuh be fun," he said to Heathen Chinee Tucker. "While we're waitin' for thuh victim, One-Beer Kornbluth jus' got a new bartender." The assembled rannies and ranch-