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Le Zombie, v. 4, issue 8, whole no. 43, October 1941
Page 6
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He smiled, and they shined. “My life? Ah yes, my life. Let me think a moment or two…” (We were sitting so close together on the chair I didn’t feel him slyly picking my pocket.) “At an early age (he said) I was forced to quit school, to forgo the blessings of education, and sell papers on the streets to support dear old Grandmaw. (Grandpaw ran away to join the Rifs, fighting the Foreign Legion.) As o grew older and expanded in wisdom and scientific learning I found that I could not sell papers all my life; people were looking askance at my ruffled shirtwaist and romper suits, so at 27 I laid’ em aside for the last time and went into the world to seek my fortune. After observing reporters on the local paper in their daily exciting routines, I too was possessed with the yearning to be continually drunk and decided upon newspaper work as a career. “My first job was on that grand old paper, the Coonhollow Taganblatt where it was my duty to go over cases upon cases of typo each night after the paper had been put to bed, searching for bedbugs and typelice”. The great man paused and I gulped with fear, afraid he would close the fascinating narrative here. (I didn’t know he had just ran into the stale piece of cheese in my pocket, and was startled.) His modesty, did know, maintained a fierce rein on his tongue. About me, the very air of the room was still and expectant – until he belched. I made the most of the short silence to glance about me. Books lined the walls: Alice in Wonderland, Grimm’s Fairy Tales, tom Swift’s Giant Skytrain, lady Chatterly’s Lover, What Dora Saw in the Parlor… magic tomes! The entire collection must have cost him a pretty penny. An entire set of tom Swift adventures were his pride and joy. Has that great classic, “Interstellar Way-Station” sprung from these inspirational wells? Or had it been scooped from an irrigation ditch? Together we tilted back in the swivel chair and at his suggestion we removed our shoes and wriggled our toes. How democratic! “Now about my story…a, yes young man, my story. It was simple, really it was. Frankly I borrowed it from another stf magazine. All I did was to rename each character, locate the action at a new locale, change the nature of the menace, and carefully rewrite a different word for every word that appeared in the original yarn. Anyone can do it.” “Marvellous, Dr. Tucker!# I broke in. “And now please, your opinion to a very pertinent question in fandom just now. A subject of vital importance to the fans. Is sex necessary in science fiction?” “Oh, but definitely!” The doctor stroked his befuzzed cheek and was thoughtful. “ –es, upon these words of wisdom I bowed out. (Next month dear readers we have a special treat for you! Your reporter has scooped the science fiction world with an interview that will make fan history! Next month in this space we will positively reveal the identity of Anthony Gilmore himself! Is your subscription paid up?) ---------------------------- RENT DODGERS DEPT: You’ll find Leonard J. Moffatt at 419 Summit Ave., Ellwood City, Pa. (*) For benefit of contributing FAPA fans ant others Elmer Perdue is now located at 1218 S. Cedar, Caspe , Wyo. (*) Phil Bronson back at 224 Est 6th, Hastings, Minn. (*) Earle Barr Handson at 812 SW. lst, Miami, Fla. (*)
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He smiled, and they shined. “My life? Ah yes, my life. Let me think a moment or two…” (We were sitting so close together on the chair I didn’t feel him slyly picking my pocket.) “At an early age (he said) I was forced to quit school, to forgo the blessings of education, and sell papers on the streets to support dear old Grandmaw. (Grandpaw ran away to join the Rifs, fighting the Foreign Legion.) As o grew older and expanded in wisdom and scientific learning I found that I could not sell papers all my life; people were looking askance at my ruffled shirtwaist and romper suits, so at 27 I laid’ em aside for the last time and went into the world to seek my fortune. After observing reporters on the local paper in their daily exciting routines, I too was possessed with the yearning to be continually drunk and decided upon newspaper work as a career. “My first job was on that grand old paper, the Coonhollow Taganblatt where it was my duty to go over cases upon cases of typo each night after the paper had been put to bed, searching for bedbugs and typelice”. The great man paused and I gulped with fear, afraid he would close the fascinating narrative here. (I didn’t know he had just ran into the stale piece of cheese in my pocket, and was startled.) His modesty, did know, maintained a fierce rein on his tongue. About me, the very air of the room was still and expectant – until he belched. I made the most of the short silence to glance about me. Books lined the walls: Alice in Wonderland, Grimm’s Fairy Tales, tom Swift’s Giant Skytrain, lady Chatterly’s Lover, What Dora Saw in the Parlor… magic tomes! The entire collection must have cost him a pretty penny. An entire set of tom Swift adventures were his pride and joy. Has that great classic, “Interstellar Way-Station” sprung from these inspirational wells? Or had it been scooped from an irrigation ditch? Together we tilted back in the swivel chair and at his suggestion we removed our shoes and wriggled our toes. How democratic! “Now about my story…a, yes young man, my story. It was simple, really it was. Frankly I borrowed it from another stf magazine. All I did was to rename each character, locate the action at a new locale, change the nature of the menace, and carefully rewrite a different word for every word that appeared in the original yarn. Anyone can do it.” “Marvellous, Dr. Tucker!# I broke in. “And now please, your opinion to a very pertinent question in fandom just now. A subject of vital importance to the fans. Is sex necessary in science fiction?” “Oh, but definitely!” The doctor stroked his befuzzed cheek and was thoughtful. “ –es, upon these words of wisdom I bowed out. (Next month dear readers we have a special treat for you! Your reporter has scooped the science fiction world with an interview that will make fan history! Next month in this space we will positively reveal the identity of Anthony Gilmore himself! Is your subscription paid up?) ---------------------------- RENT DODGERS DEPT: You’ll find Leonard J. Moffatt at 419 Summit Ave., Ellwood City, Pa. (*) For benefit of contributing FAPA fans ant others Elmer Perdue is now located at 1218 S. Cedar, Caspe , Wyo. (*) Phil Bronson back at 224 Est 6th, Hastings, Minn. (*) Earle Barr Handson at 812 SW. lst, Miami, Fla. (*)
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