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CAPTAIN SUTURE AND THE SPLINT MEN OF FRACTURIA OR SUTURE SELF BY- Endmond Hamilpound The days consumed time like a walrus slurping fish. The rising sun nestled on the tip of the snow-capped peak, looking like a cherry topping a marshmallow sundae, with whipped cream. And nuts. Spring bubbled forth in all it's glory. It ran down the housetops and drooled over the lawn. In fact, it was so very much spring you might say it was sprung. And that is what Gornch McFornch did. He sprung out of bed with a loud "huzzah" and hissed vehemently at his reflection in the mirror, which was hanging lazily on the wall. "Rosebud", he cried and with one fell swoop, jumped out the window, executed a beautiful butcherknife and slide into the water like a weasel slides into a barrel fo grease. Presently his head popped up and split the purling water asunder. He swam furiously to the edge of the pool and clumb out of the enervating effervescence of the spring water which was constantly feeded into the pool by the subterranean wells, hissed vehemently at his reflection in the sky blue water and then began to dance. As he danced he sang: Spring, sprang, sprung, Ding, dang, d--- Rosebuds are fornching the slithy toves and phooey to the borogroves This incredible spectacle completed, he flew into the kitchen like a frigate in full sail, kissed the maid violently, five or six times, then sat down to his morning repast of ice cream and gefiltifisch, and a perfectly ordinary cup of coffee, with salt in it. Gornch like salt, said it was wonderfully saline. In fact he claimed, and who are we to doubt?, that eons ago his ancestors had acquired the land he now owned through some misinterpertation of the Salic law. Anyhow it was a salty deal. Gornch edged his chair away from the breakfast table, arised, hissed vehemently at his reflection in the silver coffee pot and rushed out of the kitchen so fast the suction drew the maid after him. This created a vacuum and the kitchen collapsed. The other rooms of his house, thinking the time for revolt was at hand, did likewise. The dining room collapsed the bedrooms collapsed, the drawing room collapsed (and another little ant went in and brought out a grain of wheat) and Gornch collapsed. "Horrors," he cogitated ebulliently. "A collapsible time was had by all. Oh, where will I ever find another house? Oh, well, socks and ye shall find." Verdure was rampant in the countryside, making the scenery just too, too bucolic. Snakes hissed vehemently at various and sundry people and stuff, flies abounded in innumerable numbers, mosquitoes were so plentiful they began to de-blood each other, the temperature was 110 degrees in the shade and the shade was beginning to resent the intrustion. Gaily trudging the path that ran through this hodge-podge of nature was Gornch. He was smitten with the beauty of the whole affair. He looke das though he had been bitten by the love bug, and it was giving him rabies. He was looking for a stray house, an uncollapsible dwelling place, a lair. He stopped by a brubbling book and hissed vehemently at his reflection in the stream.
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CAPTAIN SUTURE AND THE SPLINT MEN OF FRACTURIA OR SUTURE SELF BY- Endmond Hamilpound The days consumed time like a walrus slurping fish. The rising sun nestled on the tip of the snow-capped peak, looking like a cherry topping a marshmallow sundae, with whipped cream. And nuts. Spring bubbled forth in all it's glory. It ran down the housetops and drooled over the lawn. In fact, it was so very much spring you might say it was sprung. And that is what Gornch McFornch did. He sprung out of bed with a loud "huzzah" and hissed vehemently at his reflection in the mirror, which was hanging lazily on the wall. "Rosebud", he cried and with one fell swoop, jumped out the window, executed a beautiful butcherknife and slide into the water like a weasel slides into a barrel fo grease. Presently his head popped up and split the purling water asunder. He swam furiously to the edge of the pool and clumb out of the enervating effervescence of the spring water which was constantly feeded into the pool by the subterranean wells, hissed vehemently at his reflection in the sky blue water and then began to dance. As he danced he sang: Spring, sprang, sprung, Ding, dang, d--- Rosebuds are fornching the slithy toves and phooey to the borogroves This incredible spectacle completed, he flew into the kitchen like a frigate in full sail, kissed the maid violently, five or six times, then sat down to his morning repast of ice cream and gefiltifisch, and a perfectly ordinary cup of coffee, with salt in it. Gornch like salt, said it was wonderfully saline. In fact he claimed, and who are we to doubt?, that eons ago his ancestors had acquired the land he now owned through some misinterpertation of the Salic law. Anyhow it was a salty deal. Gornch edged his chair away from the breakfast table, arised, hissed vehemently at his reflection in the silver coffee pot and rushed out of the kitchen so fast the suction drew the maid after him. This created a vacuum and the kitchen collapsed. The other rooms of his house, thinking the time for revolt was at hand, did likewise. The dining room collapsed the bedrooms collapsed, the drawing room collapsed (and another little ant went in and brought out a grain of wheat) and Gornch collapsed. "Horrors," he cogitated ebulliently. "A collapsible time was had by all. Oh, where will I ever find another house? Oh, well, socks and ye shall find." Verdure was rampant in the countryside, making the scenery just too, too bucolic. Snakes hissed vehemently at various and sundry people and stuff, flies abounded in innumerable numbers, mosquitoes were so plentiful they began to de-blood each other, the temperature was 110 degrees in the shade and the shade was beginning to resent the intrustion. Gaily trudging the path that ran through this hodge-podge of nature was Gornch. He was smitten with the beauty of the whole affair. He looke das though he had been bitten by the love bug, and it was giving him rabies. He was looking for a stray house, an uncollapsible dwelling place, a lair. He stopped by a brubbling book and hissed vehemently at his reflection in the stream.
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