DIY History | Transcribe | Campus Culture | Ain't I A Woman? newspapers, June 1970-July 1971

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Ain't I A Woman? newspapers, June 1970-July 1971

1971-03-12 "Ain't I a Woman?" Page 4

the powerlessness 

I am consumed with guilt
for everything 
we decided was good
that I couldn't be 
I am consumed with guilt 
for everything that 
I've demanded 
that could not be given 
I cannot be all of what 
I believe 
and for this will 
live the role of a hypocrite 
knowing I am, have been, 
and always will be only 
skizophrenic 
Neither side of myself 
has ever been a lie

Everywhere my eyes see 
only decadence 
I could be accused 
of self-righteousness 
or limited vision
but my self-righteousness 
is the only pat my 
shoulder receives 
and my vision is limited 
by your privilege 

Everything you say says 
you don't need real change 
you just think its academically sensible 
or it fills your 
sense of moral obligation 
but you couldn't have 
the analysis you spout 
and talk to peripherally 
and not want to die a little 

Everytime my insides feel 
aloneness 
I could be wrong in judging 
you 
or nearsighted in my vision 
but your ugliness makes 
your vision unbelievable 
and my need makes me 
feel again that I could 
kill in battle those I love 

and hopelessness

the powerlessness and hopelessness 
I feel 
when I feel this love--
the hopeless desire 
to act on 
that feeling 
which cant's be done 
to act individually in
a relationship which 
involves two people or 
should but doesn't 
ins't 

isn't 
doesn't exist like 
the ability to act 
on being productive 
can't exist without 
a product to produce 
or tools to produce it 
or if it produced and 
torn 
away from you 

Or, just to 
want to live--even 
and knowing you 
cannot act on that desire 
they can 
those who can use 
your labor and allow 
you to eat if
they feel 
in that mood 
And if they do 
they still invade 
somewhere 
and wanting to act so desperately 
you can strike 
but you don't have 
to eat 
and they always knew that
that you could die 
but that you couldn't 
win 
unless you won 
to begin with 

And then you 
can understand 
once and for all 
the dialectics 
of how things happen 
or should 
but don't 
won't 
The powerlessness and hopelessness 
I feel 
when I feel this----

4  vol. 1 no. 13  Ain't I

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the powerlessness I am consumed with guilt for everything we decided was good that I couldn't be I am consumed with guilt for everything that I've demanded that could not be given I cannot be all of what I believe and for this will live the role of a hypocrite knowing I am, have been, and always will be only skizophrenic Neither side of myself has ever been a lie Everywhere my eyes see only decadence I could be accused of self-righteousness or limited vision but my self-righteousness is the only pat my shoulder receives and my vision is limited by your privilege Everything you say says you don't need real change you just think its academically sensible or it fills your sense of moral obligation but you couldn't have the analysis you spout and talk to peripherally and not want to die a little Everytime my insides feel aloneness I could be wrong in judging you or nearsighted in my vision but your ugliness makes your vision unbelievable and my need makes me feel again that I could kill in battle those I love and hopelessness the powerlessness and hopelessness I feel when I feel this love-- the hopeless desire to act on that feeling which cant's be done to act individually in a relationship which involves two people or should but doesn't ins't isn't doesn't exist like the ability to act on being productive can't exist without a product to produce or tools to produce it or if it produced and torn away from you Or, just to want to live--even and knowing you cannot act on that desire they can those who can use your labor and allow you to eat if they feel in that mood And if they do they still invade somewhere and wanting to act so desperately you can strike but you don't have to eat and they always knew that that you could die but that you couldn't win unless you won to begin with And then you can understand once and for all the dialectics of how things happen or should but don't won't The powerlessness and hopelessness I feel when I feel this---- 4 vol. 1 no. 13 Ain't I