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Wudgy Tales, v. 1, issue 1, October-November 1943

Page 5

WUDGY TALES
Page Five

With an undefinable expression on her face, Hot Tamale Molly undulated over to Rothman's supine form, and jerked the wallet from his grasp.  Counting the bills she swayed out the door.
A youthful voice was heard outside the bar: "Forry, Oh Forry, Morojo wants you.  And Walt--Walt Daugherty--Eleanor is getting mad.  And--"  Hearing no reply he timidly peered in through the open door.  Gasping he took in the ghastly carnage.  Suddenly a positively lustful expression appeared on his face.
"Gee," he drooled ecstatically, "Gosh."  He waved an outdated copy of Space Tales joyfully in the air.  "Now I'm No. 1 Fan!!"

STUFF by ?

MFS SILLY STORY
DEC. 1937

"Ah, yes," said Leo Margulies as he breezed into his editorial offices at 8 in the morning.  "And how is everyone feeling this bright and beautiful day?"
"Fumf," came the reply of his secretary.
Margulies hastened on into his office.  "Nothing like a lovely spring morning to make things cheery," he exulted.  "Gee, but stuff is hyper."  He jerked up the widow shades and was greeted by a resounding splash of rain.  Outside the sky was black and filled with a torrent of stuff.
Margulies growled and sat down at his desk.  The first thing that met his eye was the title of a manuscript: "The Secret of the Crypt", by Oliver E. Saari.
Immediately Margulies yelled for his secretary.  "Wilbur--where did you put my rejection slips?"  Before he received an answer a wild-eyed young chap rushed into his office.  "I have it!" he shouted.  "I have it!  Here, Leo, I'll place the atom on your desk.  Observe."
Margulies looked up to see Arthur J. Burks before him.  "Smash it!" said Burks.  "Smash it...go ahead...I've got more."
Obligingly Margulies smashed the atom.  "There" said Burks.  "You see, I've invented the smashable atom.  That is I discovered it.  It was invented by my Uncle, Sir Thomas Uppen."
"I see," said Margulies.  "One of the Uppen atoms.  But tell me--what good is a smashable atom?  Where is the power?"
Burks turned for the door.  "I hadn't thought of that," he said.
Margulies looked back at the pile of manuscripts on his desk.  Quickly he pressed a lot of buttons and went into the board of directors' room.  Presently his editorial staff arrived.  "Lessee," said Margulies, "is everybody here? Beckworth, Worthbeck, Barton, Blodgekins, Fuddyduddy, Humphbottom, and Fitzwilly.  Correct.  Well, gents, you've read these manuscripts.  What's your verdict?"
"I read three novels by A. Merritt," said Humphbottom.  "I suggest we buy them all."
"Merritt!" scoffed Margulies  "Merritt, you say...when our readers are clammoring for Kuttnor, Kummer, and Kruse!  No...reject the Merritt novels.  Has anyone found anything from Kuttner?"
"Five book length serials and three short stories," said Fuddyduddy.
"How were they?"
"Bad!"
"Good!  Buy them!  Anything else from Kruse?"
"Two novels," said Fitzwilly.  "But they were completely dominated by a masterful serial from John Tanie.  Might I suggest--"
"We'll buy the Kruse stories," said Margulies.  "Taine? Taine? Never heard of him...sounds like baby talk.  Come, come--who's heard from Kummer?  And Fearn, and Binder, Williamson and Zagat?  Speak up, men!"
"Kummer submitted seven novelettes.  East one concerns a brazen plot of the Martians to blow up the Earth.  The only difference is that Kummer uses a new type of hero in each story."
"Buy them!" said Margulies.  "Publish three of them in our next issue!"
"But we already have two Kummer stories scheduled."
"Give him a new name...call him Octavus Blort, Frank Sklank--anything."
"We'll call him H. G. Wells for the present.  I always thought that would make an excellent name for a fantasy writer."
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WUDGY TALES Page Five With an undefinable expression on her face, Hot Tamale Molly undulated over to Rothman's supine form, and jerked the wallet from his grasp. Counting the bills she swayed out the door. A youthful voice was heard outside the bar: "Forry, Oh Forry, Morojo wants you. And Walt--Walt Daugherty--Eleanor is getting mad. And--" Hearing no reply he timidly peered in through the open door. Gasping he took in the ghastly carnage. Suddenly a positively lustful expression appeared on his face. "Gee," he drooled ecstatically, "Gosh." He waved an outdated copy of Space Tales joyfully in the air. "Now I'm No. 1 Fan!!" STUFF by ? MFS SILLY STORY DEC. 1937 "Ah, yes," said Leo Margulies as he breezed into his editorial offices at 8 in the morning. "And how is everyone feeling this bright and beautiful day?" "Fumf," came the reply of his secretary. Margulies hastened on into his office. "Nothing like a lovely spring morning to make things cheery," he exulted. "Gee, but stuff is hyper." He jerked up the widow shades and was greeted by a resounding splash of rain. Outside the sky was black and filled with a torrent of stuff. Margulies growled and sat down at his desk. The first thing that met his eye was the title of a manuscript: "The Secret of the Crypt", by Oliver E. Saari. Immediately Margulies yelled for his secretary. "Wilbur--where did you put my rejection slips?" Before he received an answer a wild-eyed young chap rushed into his office. "I have it!" he shouted. "I have it! Here, Leo, I'll place the atom on your desk. Observe." Margulies looked up to see Arthur J. Burks before him. "Smash it!" said Burks. "Smash it...go ahead...I've got more." Obligingly Margulies smashed the atom. "There" said Burks. "You see, I've invented the smashable atom. That is I discovered it. It was invented by my Uncle, Sir Thomas Uppen." "I see," said Margulies. "One of the Uppen atoms. But tell me--what good is a smashable atom? Where is the power?" Burks turned for the door. "I hadn't thought of that," he said. Margulies looked back at the pile of manuscripts on his desk. Quickly he pressed a lot of buttons and went into the board of directors' room. Presently his editorial staff arrived. "Lessee," said Margulies, "is everybody here? Beckworth, Worthbeck, Barton, Blodgekins, Fuddyduddy, Humphbottom, and Fitzwilly. Correct. Well, gents, you've read these manuscripts. What's your verdict?" "I read three novels by A. Merritt," said Humphbottom. "I suggest we buy them all." "Merritt!" scoffed Margulies "Merritt, you say...when our readers are clammoring for Kuttnor, Kummer, and Kruse! No...reject the Merritt novels. Has anyone found anything from Kuttner?" "Five book length serials and three short stories," said Fuddyduddy. "How were they?" "Bad!" "Good! Buy them! Anything else from Kruse?" "Two novels," said Fitzwilly. "But they were completely dominated by a masterful serial from John Tanie. Might I suggest--" "We'll buy the Kruse stories," said Margulies. "Taine? Taine? Never heard of him...sounds like baby talk. Come, come--who's heard from Kummer? And Fearn, and Binder, Williamson and Zagat? Speak up, men!" "Kummer submitted seven novelettes. East one concerns a brazen plot of the Martians to blow up the Earth. The only difference is that Kummer uses a new type of hero in each story." "Buy them!" said Margulies. "Publish three of them in our next issue!" "But we already have two Kummer stories scheduled." "Give him a new name...call him Octavus Blort, Frank Sklank--anything." "We'll call him H. G. Wells for the present. I always thought that would make an excellent name for a fantasy writer." (next page)