DIY History | Transcribe | Hevelin Fanzines | Le Zombie, v. 4, issue 6, whole no. 41, August 1941

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Le Zombie, v. 4, issue 6, whole no. 41, August 1941

Page 6

(6)
ROMANCE OF THE ELEMENTS (fiction)
by Ashley, Ashley, & Wiedenbeck, Mfg. Chemists
Lithium! This is Cerium...have you heard of the Scandium about the Long Ranger and his beautiful gal Chlorine (the perfect Virginium)?
It happened (or began rather) one lovely evening in the fields as the beautiful Chlorine was calling up the cows. "Cobalt! Cobalt!" she caroled, and the cows came slowly toward her. The Oxygen and again came to the barnyard gate but was repeatedly turned back.
And then--suddenly, like thieves in the Nitrogen, a band of Indiums, foul fiends, who had Krypton her unawares, jumped out upon th ehapless gal! "We catchum Gallium!" they whooped as they dashed madly away, the beautiful girl a helpless prisoner.
"Oh! Have Mercury on me!" pleaded the lovely Virginium.
But all was not hopeless! Nearby and meantime, her sister Fluorine was tending her Germaniums in a little garden, conversing pleasantly and coyly with the Long Ranger, the good Samarium of the West. (Whom she was secretly trying to win with her Tantalum wiles, but he was Gold to her advances!)
At that moment a passing Tin peddler Boron them with an avaricious gleam in his eye. "I haff fine nick-necks," he wined. "I Sulfur cash. Hafnium Antimony?"
Fluorine whirled on the Long Ranger and clicked the battery behind her big blue electric eyes. "Tin I have a bracelet?" she wheadled.
But the Long Ranger, stout heart, did not hear her, for the peddler was telling him via mental telepathy of a band of Indiums he had just seen riding away with a beautiful white woman.
"Chlorine!" the Long Ranger cried in dismay. "Europium horse while I load my guns!" A moment later, with a lusty, ringing "H2O Silver!", Iridium down the Rhodium a cloud of swirling dust toward the smoke signals he Xenon a distant hill. 
And the poor peddler didn't Selenium!
Nearing the Indiums camp, he dismounted and began to Steel upon them quietly to spy out the lay of the land for a Radon on their camp. In his haste, the stout heart bumped his Neon a rock. "Praseodymium!" he howled silently at the pain.
Night fell, and as the vigilance of the Indium lessened, he mounted again his faithful steed, and, shouting, charged boldly into their camp, pouring Lead from his flaming guns! Thru the length of the camp and back again he galloped, snatching Chlorine from their midst and flinging her behind him on Silver's capacious rump.
"Am I safe?" she cried tremulously. "Yes," he answered. "The Argon...them as aint dead!" She gave a glad little cry: "Holmium your arms". "No!" he objected manfully. "We gotta Barium first." And so they dug a Titanium hole into which they tossed the copper-skinned cadavers. He carefully filled the hole, Platinum the sod with his shovel.
Sodium-barked homeward, and before many days passed she was his blushing Boride. AS they passed down the aisle together, the disappointed Fluorine muttered nastily, "You Cadmium!" ((we know it Zincs))

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(6) ROMANCE OF THE ELEMENTS (fiction) by Ashley, Ashley, & Wiedenbeck, Mfg. Chemists Lithium! This is Cerium...have you heard of the Scandium about the Long Ranger and his beautiful gal Chlorine (the perfect Virginium)? It happened (or began rather) one lovely evening in the fields as the beautiful Chlorine was calling up the cows. "Cobalt! Cobalt!" she caroled, and the cows came slowly toward her. The Oxygen and again came to the barnyard gate but was repeatedly turned back. And then--suddenly, like thieves in the Nitrogen, a band of Indiums, foul fiends, who had Krypton her unawares, jumped out upon th ehapless gal! "We catchum Gallium!" they whooped as they dashed madly away, the beautiful girl a helpless prisoner. "Oh! Have Mercury on me!" pleaded the lovely Virginium. But all was not hopeless! Nearby and meantime, her sister Fluorine was tending her Germaniums in a little garden, conversing pleasantly and coyly with the Long Ranger, the good Samarium of the West. (Whom she was secretly trying to win with her Tantalum wiles, but he was Gold to her advances!) At that moment a passing Tin peddler Boron them with an avaricious gleam in his eye. "I haff fine nick-necks," he wined. "I Sulfur cash. Hafnium Antimony?" Fluorine whirled on the Long Ranger and clicked the battery behind her big blue electric eyes. "Tin I have a bracelet?" she wheadled. But the Long Ranger, stout heart, did not hear her, for the peddler was telling him via mental telepathy of a band of Indiums he had just seen riding away with a beautiful white woman. "Chlorine!" the Long Ranger cried in dismay. "Europium horse while I load my guns!" A moment later, with a lusty, ringing "H2O Silver!", Iridium down the Rhodium a cloud of swirling dust toward the smoke signals he Xenon a distant hill. And the poor peddler didn't Selenium! Nearing the Indiums camp, he dismounted and began to Steel upon them quietly to spy out the lay of the land for a Radon on their camp. In his haste, the stout heart bumped his Neon a rock. "Praseodymium!" he howled silently at the pain. Night fell, and as the vigilance of the Indium lessened, he mounted again his faithful steed, and, shouting, charged boldly into their camp, pouring Lead from his flaming guns! Thru the length of the camp and back again he galloped, snatching Chlorine from their midst and flinging her behind him on Silver's capacious rump. "Am I safe?" she cried tremulously. "Yes," he answered. "The Argon...them as aint dead!" She gave a glad little cry: "Holmium your arms". "No!" he objected manfully. "We gotta Barium first." And so they dug a Titanium hole into which they tossed the copper-skinned cadavers. He carefully filled the hole, Platinum the sod with his shovel. Sodium-barked homeward, and before many days passed she was his blushing Boride. AS they passed down the aisle together, the disappointed Fluorine muttered nastily, "You Cadmium!" ((we know it Zincs))